poem

I'm watching the clock

it changes

like everything.

hold still, hold your breath,

hold on to what you've got.

seconds, minutes, hours, eternity

life's a gamble

life is performance art

I play a role

like an actor on the stage.

I've been looking for a safe place all my life

I can't stop grinding my teeth.

I wish I were an animal, I would be a dolphin

and swim freely through the oceans.

the world would be my oyster.

I want to live in your castle forever

I will be your prince

you are my king, my universe, my reason

we could be so happy

you're the only one

smile for the camera, and plz be real.

everyone wants something real.

laugh now, cry later

love, light, and happiness-

but not for me.

paradise

but not for me.

self preservation

self depreciation

red. power. sometimes, I have to see blood

because it's time. and because it's real.

what even is the truth

seconds, minutes, hours, months, years

decades, aeons, infinity, eternity

I'm still bleeding, I bleed for you

my heart is bleeding.

nobody else

just me

and I'm left with my suicidal thoughts