4 letter word

When someone says I love you, they really mean to say I love the way you make me feel (about myself).

Lately, I've been rather upfront and honest with everyone about how desperate I am to get a man. Why lie? I already lie about everything to everyone, and if it's someone really close to me I just won't say. Because lying is one thing, but not saying is not the same thing.

In the past I've called love my one delusion, but as I age I am accepting reality more and more. I think acknowledging the cruel and destructive nature of love is everyone's toughest life lesson. When you're young, you think everything is going to be great, and life is going to fall into place. As you age, you accept the cruel nature of love, the reality of the situation- that love doesn't exist... at least in the ways and to the extent that one is made to believe.

But in all honesty, I don't know why I'm having such a hard time persuading guys to have sex with me. I've tried everything, and as much as I enjoy flirting, it's essentially a waste of time. I do think everyone has someone out there for them, and as much fun as it to meet guys, as good about myself as I feel when I know they're interested, they only want to fuck u once.

Nonetheless, I'm worried my life is going to parallel my grandmothers. Aries are always at the risk of a hasty marriage early in life... In my life I have experienced the equivalent of a marriage, even though nothing was ever put on paper. As tragic as I found my grandma's life to be, I realize now she was the way she was because she had to be. Love betrayed her, first through her family, then through everyone else. No wonder she never got anyone after divorcing the grandfather.

Perhaps that was my one shot at happiness, and I'll be alone forever. I'm worried because I've found love in the past, I can't find it again. It's obvious that not everyone finds their soul mate. Even if they do, someone dies first.

If you find love, hold onto it, cause it ends.