digital goodness... reality's simulacra in a digital universe

One of the things I like about gmail is that it will save your chats. There's nothing that offers a fresh perspective on a situation other than time. I'm one of those people who is right about everything, and nothing has ever been my fault. I'm happy I can reinforce it through rereading notes from the past.

I've been online a lot more to chat with my cousin Dick Goodness. Being online is a slippery slope. In the past I've taken years off of aim, chatting, etc. But, without the Internet such a light wouldn't have come into my life. On the upside, communication via Internet can be extremely reassuring. I have hundreds of friends on social networking websites. Clearly, people care?

Obviously, when I actually have things going on in my real life, I shy away from being online, because being present in reality is more reassuring. I was surprised when people said I'm back when I started going on aim again. I'm not back. Also, I never left. I never disappeared into a parallel universe.

I hate being online. I hate the Internet. I hate that it can make me feel things. It makes me jealous cause everyone's happier, better looking, and richer than I am. My narcissistic personality disorder is only aggravated from being online. 2 nights ago I had cybersex with the first guy I ever fell in love with. Err I should say I sent nasty pics in order to illicit a response, and fucked around with him now that the tables have turned.

Yet at the end of the night, I wasn't able to cuddle up with someone, kiss the back of his neck, put my arm around him and sleep beside someone. Somehow, the false sense of connection one can get from the Internet does nothing but play with emotions worse that a drugged out boyfriend desperate for sex.