My addictive personality

Throughout my life, I have seen myself go through numerous and diverse addictions. I guess it all started as a kid. I found myself trying to sit in front of the tv any spare chance I could. for me, it was a way to escape my shitty life. I wanted to be in that other world as much as a could, anything I could do to escape reality. TV has most likely been my longest lasting addiction, it still haunts me to this day.

As a child I also had several ocds. As a very small child, I licked my lips constantly, and as a result they were always chapped and bloody. I also got really into cleaning. Everything mostly. I would vacuum the carpet so it all went the same way, and then climb on furniture in and out of my room. I also washed my hands neurotically. I was a really good kid, and in a way I suppose I also got addicted to studying. I wanted to be a good student.

I became addicted to food for several years, mostly as a result of the poor diet I was fed by my family. I became overweight, but at the time nothing could stop my desire to eat. It just made me feel so good.

When I finally did become addicted to physical activity I was much older. I did it as much as I could and as hard as I could. I really like to push myself.

When I discovered the internet, I was over running. I don't know how many times I spent 8+ hours online a day. I wanted the internet to be real so bad. I'm not lucky to say I think I might have beaten it.

For a brief time I got really into clothes, and I suppose a lot of my life I have really cared way too much about the way I look, especially my clothes. I hope I can someday not think anything of it.

Knowing full well my own addictive tendencies, as well as those problems in my family, I tried to stay away from drugs as long as I could; however, I inevitably succumbed. I started drinking heavily at 19, but quickly switched to cocaine, mostly because it made me feel so confident. My current boyfriend got me into marijuana, which has still stuck to me to this day. Again I find myself doing it obsessively, not knowing why I have to keep doing it.

I suppose in a way I became addicted to boyfriends. After my first one at 19, I decided I always needed to have one, even though I know I'm happier by myself. I have had large gaps between boyfriends, but I suppose that if I had control over it, I wouldn't have been single for long.

Your addiction is so obvious to me. But then again, what's my excuse?