Sometimes in life, situations and relationships become more complicated, and the integrity of one's character is called into question. Often, I have seen people close to me stumble and fall so badly and so frequently, that it makes me wonder if anyone I choose to love will start to suffer soon after...
In the past several years several people close to me have been diagnosed positive. Obviously, the state of the pandemic is not as it once was... but the most recent bomb that a friend dropped on my hit too close to home. I cried all day on 8/5/10... when I should have been crying tears of joy for prop 8's unconstitutionality. 8/4/10 has always been a significant day for me... and this year it was the highest of highs followed by the lowest of lows. That day I felt as though anything was possible and all my dreams were going to come true.
So this time it's personal. I've known my whole life that this moment now would come to pass and I've always known that I'm the one who has to choose. I make myself personally responsible for every person I come into contact with. If I choose to love someone, I will do everything in my power to help.
I've already experienced loss on a rather fundamental level, and I don't have it in me to go through it again. I can't be happy living on forever alone, I need those I love to stay with me. I was never afraid of being alone until I was and I found out I can't share the joy of life just being by myself.
People close to me try to tell me that I'm being histrionic, and making this drama all about me and that's not true. I don't hold anything back, and although I'm not a crier I really could not hold back my grieving. I cried all over the city. I cried more after that, although now I feel better, and more able to move forward. This has been a huge wake up call for me. Denial is the only coping mechanism that I have been able to make work for me so far in life, and dealing with all of these feelings has been difficult for me.
Obviously, in a situation like this, there is nobody to blame. I got mad at my friend first for not telling me, then I got mad for his bad choices, then I got mad for him not loving himself more... but I would never participate in an intervention. Ganging up on someone is totally unacceptable, and moreover who the fuck am I to say anything about things of this nature?
I know a lot about health. I want to live a long time. In fact, I fantasize about being a huge burden on everyone for decades. I want everyone to be totally over my shit, and then I go on living for 30 more years after that. The way I feel about him has not changed at all, but the nature of our relationship has to change if he's going to survive and thrive. I love him. It's my job to share all my information about the various aspects of health. I want all his dreams to come true.
Be safe, and live long enough to find the right one!
8/13/10
real life drama
6/13/10
les nouvelles
Probe returns to Earth after asteroid landing
New study indicates an ancient ocean may have covered one-third of Mars
Russian rocket primed for space station mission
No changes in restrictions on gay blood donors
FDA Cracks Down On Genetic Test Companies
Rapid Genome Sequencing Process Effectively Identifies Hereditary Genetic Diseases, Study Shows
Obstacles to Stem Cell Therapy Cleared
How the Wrong Genes Are Repressed
1/19/10
les nouvelles
Fish oil protects against cellular aging: study
I'm glad I ate some this morning with breakfast. Even though when I burp it tastes nasty.
HPV test 'can cut cervical cancer deaths' say experts
8/13/09
les nouvelles
NASA Unlikely to Send Astronaut to Moon by 2020
Imitation promotes social bonding in primates
Mutation Tied to Need for Less Sleep Is Discovered
How your morning lie-in could double risk of Alzheimer's
Compound Targets, Destroys Cancer Stem Cells in Mice
Backwards galaxy: First planet found that orbits in opposite direction to its star
Junk food dummies: How binging on burgers and chips can drain your brainpower
7/27/09
les nouvelles
Spacewalkers complete Japan's laboratory complex
Lasting marriage linked to better health
Can Good Bacteria Really Fight the Flu?
Medical marijuana touted as cure for cities' budget woes
Man Receives His Own Stem Cells as a Treatment for Heart Failure
Not the first bioaugmented person I've heard of... in fact I've known one personally...
60 Second Science via Scientific American
Joule Biotechnologies announce new biofuel jargon, scant details- liquid energy!
7/23/09
les nouvelles
New Treatment For Receding Gums: No Pain, Lots Of Gain
Eye of cosmic storm blazes with black hole
The key ingredient is a growth factor known as neuregulin1 (NRG1).
regenerative medicine not through stem cells!
The Los Angeles Times reports on an "unprecedented feat" in stem cell research that was announced today.
reminded me a lot of synthetic life, although it's really not the same thing...
7/14/09
les nouvelles
SpaceX achieved another milestone for private space travel on Monday by carrying a satellite into orbit. It's hoped that the commercial operation may eventually be capable of carrying astronauts and cargo to the international space station, helping to fill the void after the U.S. shuttles go out of service. SpaceX may also pave the way for space tourism.
A Pseudo-Trip to Mars Ends, Bringing a Real One Closer
NASA aiming for Wednesday shuttle launch, try 6
Healthy Diet, Exercise Keeps Mind Sharp As You Age
UK health booklet's message: Teen sex can be fun
Now they teach you in school that you should be having at least one orgasm a day, and that sex can be fun and safe. Wish someone taught that to me when I was in school!
Swearing can make you feel better, lessen pain
New wonder material, one-atom thick, has scientists abuzz
5/7/09
4/11/09
les vielles nouvelles
What if you had a special kind of fat in your body that burned calories instead of storing them -- and it could be activated simply by spending time in the cold? According to three preliminary studies published Wednesday in the New England Journal of Medicine, you probably do.
In search of Lithium: The battle for the 3rd element
Men look away: Oral sex REALLY does cause some throat cancers
4/3/09
les nouvelles
With the help of a common virus, scientists have built a battery that rivals the state-of-the-art rechargeable models now powering personal electronics and hybrid vehicles.
Sleep does more than help us recover from stress and tiredness - it rewires the brain so we can learn more, research suggests
3/23/09
les nouvelles
Outlook: AIDS in the District Is Serious, But Not Critical
Federal judge postpones medical marijuana sentencing
A new study by the Centers for Disease Control has come up with techniques to prevent the spread of antibiotic-resistant "super bugs" in hospitals.
Albert Einstein Medical Center in Philadelphia was one of six hospitals which took part in the study.
Discovery Shuttle fires thrusters to push Space Station out of the way of rocket debris
3/6/09
news
See-through fish fed junk food diet develops early symptoms of heart disease
lol
Why musicians make such appealing partners - they are tuned to tap into emotions
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Fitness, strength and flexibility do not inevitably fade away with age, and are more often a matter of lifestyle choices, according to a new report.
news
WASHINGTON (AP) — Medieval knights, the warriors of Saladin, Roy Rogers and fans lining racetracks around the world all owe a debt to the Botai culture, residents of Central Asia who domesticated horses more than 5,000 years ago.
New evidence corralled in Kazakhstan indicates the Botai culture used horses as beasts of burden — and as a source of meat and milk — about 1,000 years earlier than had been widely believed, according to the team led by Alan Outram of England's University of Exeter.
YouTube hit a major milestone in January, surpassing the 100 million viewer mark in the US alone, and offering a clear indication of the huge growth in demand for online video.
Japanese astronaut to create a real flying carpet in space
Amazing notebook shows how woman found a cure for scurvy half a century before the doctors
2/24/09
news
Found: the gene that could grow new teeth
-> I really hope this technology could be applied to me at some point! I already need it...
Child abuse 'impacts stress gene'
Abuse in early childhood permanently alters how the brain reacts to stress, a Canadian study suggests.
-> family, are you paying attention? You're the reason I'm fucked up.
The perfect pancake? Easy, just follow this formula ... 100 - [10L - 7F + C(k - C) + T(m - T)]/(S - E)
Who doesn't love equations? I love the one at the top of this website...
12/15/08
interesting
MONDAY, Dec. 15 (HealthDay News) -- A good night's sleep really does a sick body good, new research says.
Stanford University research with fruit flies reveals that the immune system fights invading bacteria the hardest at night and the least during the day. The findings were to be presented Sunday at the American Society for Cell Biology annual meeting, in San Francisco.
"These results suggest that immunity is stronger at night, consistent with the hypothesis that circadian proteins upregulate restorative functions such as specific immune responses during sleep, when animals are not engaged in metabolically costly activities," Stanford researcher Mimi Shirasu-Hiza said in a news release issued by the conference organizers.
-> I learned a while ago that sleeping is when the body repairs itself, and cleans out the immune system... I guess data always must be repeated to make it true...
12/2/08
news
San Francisco mayor turns to YouTube for "state of city" address
Few Young Adults Seek Treatment for Psych Disorders
Alcohol, nicotine use, personality illnesses common, study shows
High Salt Levels Common in Many Foods
-> I always try to avoid it, because heart/blood pressure problems were known to be common in my family, but it's so fucking hard! I'm addicted. I crave salt a lot more than I crave sugar...
TV, Internet Causing Kids Harm: Report
Is this the iPhone killer? Nokia launches £450 handset billed as 'world's most advanced mobile computer'
Scientists use a shop dummy to 'fool' people into having an out-of-body experience
11/26/08
news
Model Predicts Halt to Africa's AIDS Epidemic
A new insight into the reason for aging has been gained by scientists trying to understand how resveratrol, a minor ingredient of red wine, improves the health and lifespan of laboratory mice. They believe that the integrity of chromosomes is compromised as people age, and that resveratrol works by activating a protein known as sirtuin that restores the chromosomes to health.
-> interesting, but I'm not convienced yet. I'm much more inspiried by telomerase. This news is still captivating, perhaps I'm thinking of immortality in too limited of terms, and I'm going to have to look at more than just telomerase...
China's ancestral turtle sheds light on evolution
-> "In an article published in Nature, they said the Odontochelys lived about 220 million years ago and their discovery sheds light on one of the biggest mysteries in reptile evolution -- how the shell and body of the turtle developed."
UPDATE 1-Europe to spend $13 bln on Mars rover, space plans
International Space Updates, November 2008
Venus, Jupiter, Moon Govern The Thanksgiving Sky
11/4/08
news via google news
Robodoc: surgeon of the future in theaters now
Scientists in Japan say they have successfully cloned a mouse from a body that had been frozen for 16 years, theoretically opening the door to a range of possibilities from preserving endangered animals, to resurrecting extinct animals to cloning Ted Williams.
Astronauts to Vote From Space Station
Biofuels Debate: Point, Counterpoint
10/28/08
news from 10/28
The sound of space: Scientists reveal 'music' made by stars
Scientists discover 'transsexual gene' that makes men feel like women
X marks the Spock as scientists claim 'Earth-like' planets may be hidden in solar system where Vulcans 'lived'
Purple 'super tomato' that can fight against cancer
'What a ride!' Space tourist and Russian cosmonauts return to Earth in 'flawless' landing
The fuel of the future is... pond algae, say scientists
Mars astronauts should never return to Earth, says Buzz Aldrin
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