A lot of people don't know how many guys they've fucked, and I worry for those people because it seems reasonable to assume they are not thinking objectively about risks for STDs and HIV! I feel like this is a good time to reiterate that I only have safe sex even with boyfriends. Ironically, I am also statistically 1/10 as promiscuous of members of my peer group, and I write down everything in my diary.
As a gay person who has a small amount of internalized homophobia, I consider anything past kissing to be sex. Essentially if other people are in the room with you and you have an orgasm I almost consider that to be sex.
Here's a list of all the guys I've had sex with. They are listed in the order when I first had sex with them, the age at which I first had sex with them, their astrological sign, a grade of how good they were, and a brief note.
1. Jordan 19, White, Pisces, D+, not hot enough for me, uncut.
2. West 18, White, Taurus, A+, huge dick & very consistent will always miss.
3. Levi 22, White, Libra, B, not masculine enough to keep me interested.
4. Chun Yin 20, Asian, Aquarius, C, hole hungry for my dick but passionless.
5. Rik 53, White, Gemini, A-, so kinky that I still can't say no.
6. Seth 24, White, Aries, F, one night stand, passionless.
7. Rafi 40, Middle Eastern, Leo, C-, one night stand, passionless.
8. Fernando 39, Mexican, Cancer, C, great guy but lacking in too many areas.
9. Carlos 25, Mexican, Aries, B-, hot but lacking in too many areas.
10. Kerry 30, White, Virgo, A-, one night stand, visiting from abroad, uncut.
11. Drew 43, Black, Aries, C, amazing dick but a tit pig and sketchy.
12. Joshuar 19, Mixed Mexican/Greek/Japanese, Capricorn, B+, hot, young, and a biter, big dick uncut.
13. Alexander 23, Native American, Sagittarius, B, pushes all the right buttons, uncut.
14. Jaime 30, Mexican, Leo, D-, Foot fetish and bad kisser, uncut
15. Marco 23, Mexican/Italian, Libra, C, popers in the club lead to head in his car
16. Brian 30, White, Scorpio, A, Over 8 inches with an 8g prince albert, eventually let him stick it in and my ass bled for 4 days ;D
17. Gustavo, 30, Mexican, Leo, D-, non-existant dick and too hairy
3/18/11
A list of every guy I've had sex with
7/17/09
7/14/09
les nouvelles
SpaceX achieved another milestone for private space travel on Monday by carrying a satellite into orbit. It's hoped that the commercial operation may eventually be capable of carrying astronauts and cargo to the international space station, helping to fill the void after the U.S. shuttles go out of service. SpaceX may also pave the way for space tourism.
A Pseudo-Trip to Mars Ends, Bringing a Real One Closer
NASA aiming for Wednesday shuttle launch, try 6
Healthy Diet, Exercise Keeps Mind Sharp As You Age
UK health booklet's message: Teen sex can be fun
Now they teach you in school that you should be having at least one orgasm a day, and that sex can be fun and safe. Wish someone taught that to me when I was in school!
Swearing can make you feel better, lessen pain
New wonder material, one-atom thick, has scientists abuzz
6/30/09
les nouvelles
Jackson's body to be on public view starting Friday
How Old Do You Feel? It Depends on Your Age
Doctors warn against 'swine flu parties'
too funny!
Teen Fatalism Linked to Risky Behavior: Survey Shows 15% of Teens Believe They Will Die Young
I'm a fatalist, but only philosophically...
Daily sex 'best for good sperm'
Gay Rights Groups Praise Pending End to HIV Travel Ban
NASA manager pitches a cheaper return-to-moon plan
Wheelchair steered using brain waves developed by Toyota
At last! Age of the universal phone charger dawns
Geron shares jump on GE stem cell pact
http://www.fiercebiotech.com
Solar orbiter Ulysses ends mission after 18 years
6/25/09
les nouvelles
Few sexually active teens in US get HIV test -CDC
Less than half of young HIV positive people are aware of their infection!
Senators closer to $1 trillion healthcare bill
Apple 'makes $420 on each iPhone sold'
Moon Walker Buzz Aldrin: Time to Settle on Mars
Fury as Apple allows teenagers to buy porn for their iPhones
Michael Jackson dead at 50
4/23/09
les nouvelles
Grafts made from patients' cells show promise
Scientists have reprogrammed mature skin cells into an embryonic-like state by using proteins instead of genes, a key advance aimed at overcoming safety concerns in one of the hottest areas of biological research.
Seven people in U.S. hit by strange new swine flu
FDA eases access to morning-after pill
Bioengineered bugs could lead to malaria vaccine
12/11/08
juicy news day!
WASHINGTON — Officials with NASA and President-elect Barack Obama's transition team on Thursday tried to paper over tensions that have arisen as the agency defended a chronically underfunded blueprint for space exploration.
-> I don't think Nasa is going to do anything impressive. The united states has not been competative with this issue for many years now.
20% of teens say they've put nude pics of themselves online
-> omg, "1 in 5 Teens Engaging in 'Tech' Sex" wtf?
US gains in math and science ed…Really?
Gene mutation protects against milk shakes and other fatty fare
Many Children Now Rely on Alternative Remedies
The Malaria Vaccine Explained
California air board adopts a sweeping plan to curb greenhouse gases
A Japanese research team has successfully processed and displayed images directly from the human brain, they said in a study to be published in the US magazine Neuron.
Love machine: Computer geek too busy for romance builds himself the perfect girlfriend
9/9/08
true story
I know I haven't been blogging a lot lately. I must not be that creative if I can't write something short and interesting everyday. But last night a blog idea popped into my head. I tried again and again to make myself wake up to write down the idea, but it was late, and I was tired, so I guess I just passed out. I tried to remember today what it was I wanted to write about, and I didn't remember until an hour or two ago.
So anyways, here's a juicy sex story from my own life, and it's 100% true. I guess I should start first with a small confession: I have always wanted to fuck myself. I've told just about all my friends this, some of them understand and express similar feelings, but some are clueless, and have no idea what I'm saying. Even straight people have admitted to me that they too want to fuck themselves. I want another one of me, to have sex with. It comes from a good place- I love myself and I have high self esteem. I know I'm sexy because everyone tells me, so I feel sexy. I know what I am, I know I'm hot, and I'm not afraid to admit to narcissism, although compulsive narcissism is not where my desire comes from- it seems like a feeling of familiarity, fraternity, and intimacy- it's what I find appealing about fucking myself. I know what I want. I know what I need, and until humans can communicate psychically it seems like that's the story for everybody.
When I was a pre-teen, I was always overly conscious about my status as a novelty. The Internet quickly taught me what I needed to know about sex, although what I was really looking for was never available to view. I guess I started going on gay porn websites as soon as I could as soon as my family bought the original teal imac- I remember the first gay porn website I ever went on was hotnudemen.com- I saw it in an advertisement in the back of Rolling Stone Magazine. Because I was very underage at the time, I immediately wanted to know about the sex lives of people who were around my age, obviously because it was what was relevant to me at the time. So, I did my best to find out all I could about child pornography. Perhaps it's from being molested by my father as a child that I wasn't totally conscious that what I was doing was "wrong" and perhaps the only real disturbing part of the story is how easy it was to find images of naked preteen boys- I remember the first one I went on was out of Amsterdam, which featured orgies starring preteen boys- in all honesty the sexual expression seemed a lot more real that all the other porn I was absorbing starring grown men. It's strange yet interesting about how the sexualization of children ends up affecting them long term- it either makes them really willing to become sex workers -or- makes them totally afraid of sex and inhibited- it ranges from one extreme to the other.
But I'm not a voyeur, I'm an exhibitionist. I wanted to know more about these boys, and the kind of people they were, since all the images seemed consensual, real, and pleasurable for the people involved? I wanted to be like these people, who I was masturbating to, more importantly, I understood I could use my statues as a novelty to perhaps make large sums of money. I discovered really quickly, through the Internet, that child pornography makes a lot of money- a lot of money means thousands of dollars for just one picture. At the time in the mid 90s, I discovered that single images could demand $3,000.00 - $5,000.00 - all for just a single image! I also had read that the majority of the images were trafficked from pedophiles to other pedophiles, which was the only real way to avoid the inconvenience of legislation. That kind of money was unknown to me at the time (omg, it still is, I guess I'm still ghetto 10+ years later). So, I immediately hatched a scheme of making videos of myself masturbating, and putting it all over the Internet. At the time, the most appealing aspect wasn't the large amount of money I could make doing such things, but the thought that people from all over the world would be looking at me- desiring me, and wanting what I have. From a very young age I knew love could never be real, but I guess that's what I thought I could get if I tried.
But since I've lived my whole life in a capitalist country, I became obsessed with using my own imagery to get money. I knew I had something so good that it was illegal, but I figured since it would be me doing the exploitation, I couldn't get in trouble with the law if I ever got caught. I also figured that since I didn't plan on letting a man molest em on camera, and as long as I was the only person doing the "exploitation" my scheme would be fool proof. I knew that kind of a thing had never really been done before, aside from Tracy Lords, the porn star who was later discovered to have made a large amount of sex videos while underage. I knew that to get media attention, one had to do something really controversial, and/or something that had never been done before. I quickly got visions of the proceeding newspaper headlines- underage gay porn star films self, which law will intervene? I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time. I felt like I had the asset of curiosity on my side, I knew if I could put the videos in the right place that many people who were not pedophiles would still watch the videos- just out of curiosity. It's crazy to think of the breadth of extremity when it comes to videos one can find on the Internet- snuff films, torture, animal sex, shit piss and vomit, car crashes, extreme and random acts of violence, fisting videos where the whole arm goes up somebody's asshole. I've seen it all, and although I will always be a staunch supporter of free speech, I am left to wonder how such things will affect children who are exposed at a young age. Just look at how I turned out. jk
My chance to make a video came when my parents rented a video camera in order to record a play my little brother put on at his elementary school. I grew up living in a poor and abusive white trash house hold. I never understood why I had to be ghetto, while all my peer group lived so much better than me. As a result, I always felt inadequate and ashamed, while it's really my parents who should have been ashamed for failing so much and on so many levels. As soon as I saw the rented camera, all I could think about was the first time I would be alone in the house and I could use it to record myself masturbating. I must have been 14 or 15 years old. My family still lived in Pleasant Hill at the time, and my little brother went to Pleasant Hill Elementary. My little brother Chris, always having been dramatic with a flair for getting other people's attention, was cast in a school production about colors in a crayon box. He was playing Red Hot Romeo. In short, my parents thought it was special enough to rent a video camera to catch it all on tape. It was one of the ghettoest video cameras I'd ever seen- even for the time I could tell it was outdated, inefficient, and bulky. It was the kind that recorded directly onto a blank VHS, so you could pop it right into the VCR right after filming. But at the time, I was totally excited and could not wait to use it.
The next day as soon as I could I set up the camera in the living room. I try to recall what the room looked like at the time- I think I was sitting on the floor in front a futon with a blue slip cover, on top of a brown carpeted floor. I put the camera on the floor between my thighs, so the footage was of basically my dick, balls, and inner thighs. The first time I took a video, it was late afternoon. I got out my body lotion (the only product I used to masturbate from about the ages of 13 to 18), and basically jerked off for a while into the camera lens, I knew I masturbated for at least 10 minutes. My dick got hard right away, cause I knew this erection was important, because this time, it was totally for me, I eventually came, my loads have always been really thick and white. I have the kid of jizz that is so thick, it leaves permanent stains on fabrics. I made sure to "make it hot" by tugging on my balls, and fingering my ass. My jizz leaked out onto my underage thighs, and I sighed as I achieved a new level of success with respect to being able to do sex work, I had officially become an amateur porn star; I felt great, I had never before been so confident with my body and sexuality.
By most standards, the background was by all means white trash, by no means sexy, aside from the fact that I was obviously underage at the time there was nothing "marketable" about what was going on, but I was totally convinced that everyone would want to watch it. I remember I didn't really trim my bush in the way I should have- I was young, and confused about what is and is not sexy. As soon as I had shot a few minutes of footage, I immediately stuck the VHS into the the VCR to see what it looked like. In some ways I was grossed out just to see that my body was not as perfect as I thought, in a way it was a good wake up call as to what to do to make myself more attractive. Still, I've always been hot enough to get people off, and I got so turned on that right after, I busted a nut from watching myself jerk it, making me the ultimate voyeur and exhibitionist. It was hot outside, and I wasn't sweaty, but you could tell from looking at my skin that it was warm spring or summer day.
When I first started masturbating and ejaculating, after about a year I started putting things in my butt, mostly in order to prepare for the time when a man would want to fuck me. I got creative- brush handles and raven's revenge containers made an appearance up my butt in addition to the predictable things like fingers and toothbrushes. Do you know those Mexican Popsicles that come in plastic tubes that look a lot like dildos? They were basically like a squeeze it shaped like a torpedo. If you just use them unfrozen, they're basically totally analogous to a dildo- the same thing as what you would buy in any sex toy store, only slightly not as comfortable to use (I tend to prefer the soft squishy plastic, the only thing I don't appreciate is the chemical smell, and the fact that you usually have to put a condom on it). So, if you're ever in a pinch and left without a dildo, all you have to do is spend a few bucks and pick up a box of the Mexican Popsicles to stick in whichever hole is the most relevant.
Why am I typing about Mexican Popsicles when I'm really trying to tell a story about child porn? The first video I took didn't feature any insertions, so later that night, or the next day, I can't be sure, I took the camera in my room to make another video. I seem to recall that I either held off a long time on ejaculating, or I had jerked off too much and began to shoot blanks, but the second time I did it it lasted longer. I laid down on my water bed, and put the camera between my legs again, only this time, since I wasn't sitting up up, you could see up my torso, and even my face- I guess it was at that moment just how expressionless my face really is. No wonder I still don't have any wrinkles. This time, I got out the Vaseline, and put some on a red plastic Popsicle up my shit box. I raised my hips to be sure that the penetration would be caught on camera (although when I went back to watch it, it didn't really cum out clearly). Anyways, I got a lot of good footage of me really waxing it hard and fast, I'm circumcised, and as a result my penis really isn't that sensitive. I have to jerk it hard to make myself blow it.
After I shot the second video, I went back to watch it and turned the volume up- in my own life and as well as when watching porn, I've always been turned on by the sound of jerking off. I was surprised to find that throughout the whole second video, there were the sounds in the background of Loveline on the radio, I basically got most of my sexuality education from Dr. Drew. Sometimes, you could even notice me getting too into the broadcast, and my hand would slow down, or I'd appear to be more distracted than normal- I could see now that that could be mislead, and a viewer could think I was jerking to the program itself- nothing could be farther from the truth, I was just multitasking and trying to do 2 things at once.
A few days later, I realized that I had taped over my little brother's performance, so I covered up all that hard work with videos of me jacking off. I put the tape under my bed, and ended up destroying it with a hammer a few years later, during a random manic episode. I wish I still had it now, it could have earned me some money.
3/3/08
fuck tabs
Middle school was the beginning of my adolescence; I often feel the worst for middle school teachers because they have to deal with people who are at the absolute worst, and that needs no explanation. I wouldn't have been able to deal with myself at that time, I really think teachers should get paid more money (unless they're child molesters, which happens way more than you'd think).
I went to Walnut Creek Intermediate School, in the upper middle class suburb about 30 miles east of San Francisco. Migrating through the pop culture trends of the times such as tomagochis, Bill Clinton, pogs, recording off the radio, cyberspace, geocities.com, the explosion of gay porn online, sailor moon, jolt cola, fruitopia, BMW Z3s, The Craft, Scream, Hackers, and ever-improving video game consoles (and games), I found my peer group caring the most about only one thing-
fuck tabs.
So what are fuck tabs, where do I buy them (and how much do they cost) is probably what you're asking yourself right now. The answer is surprisingly simple and do-it-yourself- all you have to do is get a string and put soda can openers on it, one for each of the people you've fucked. Everybody wore fuck tabs in order to signal that they're mature enough to fuck whoever they felt like fucking, and also to signal that they were ready (and willing) for sex. With the absence of a comprehensive sexuality education, the students were left to figure out sexuality for themselves.
What was equally surprising as well as expected was the amount of fuck tabs that students willingly displayed on a daily basis. Sometimes, I would see kids wearing more than 50 fuck tabs, which always made me wonder if they really fucked more than 50 people, or if they were just doing it for attention.
One thought I could never escape was, "Did that ho really just drink hella sodas instead of sucking all those dick$?"
The ages of 11-13 were different for everybody, but fuck tabs were one thing we all had in common.
1/30/08
1/5/08
1/2/08
interweb 9.1
1st a link- http://www.g4tv.com/wiredforsex/index.html
Watching G4's wired for sex got me to thinking about how technology directly and indirectly influenced MY sex life!
I was one of those people who happened to be lucky enough to have a "computer class" once a week in elementary school. I can't be sure as to the actual year I started going, I think it must have been in 2nd or 3rd grade. I remember the computer lab behind the cafeteria, by the fence, and to the side of the grass (behind the 5th grade buildings). I remember when I was on campus after hours, I was always HEAVILY feeling the energy of that place- it made me feel like I knew something everyone else didn't.
I remember the teacher- a white woman wearing glasses with straight blond hair hair cut into a bob, parted in the middle. She always was smiling, and she instantly made me take a liking to computers. I got to play games crunching numbers and spelling, I was lucky that I got something educational as a first start, it really made me enjoy the material I was learning, because all of the sudden the information was presented in fun, imaginative, interesting, new ways! Floppy disks were so flimsy they could easily be broken, they measured about 8" by 8" and I always felt like as a child in elementary school, I shouldn't be trusted with something so delicate.
The internet was an invention completely on a different level. I could tell from the start.
The first time I went on the internet, I was in 5th grade. I was in the library at Buena Vista Elementary School, in Walnut Creek California. I remember it being sunny, but at the same time, I sometimes think the weather was cloudy, so I guess I have to say that I can't totally be sure about the weather that day! I sat down at a computer that probably looked something like this:
Someone older than me, I don't remember who, explained that I had to type www for wold wide web. For years I had heard terms like this, but when the time came to use the technology, I was left with mixed feelings. Initially, I was unimpressed; after a few weeks went by I realized that the world wide web was really a euphemism for digital reality, a world so vastly different from the one I see through my eyes. In some ways, the virtual world was actuality to me.
Immediately I realized the power of the internet. I immediately realized that it was probably the best invention ever and I got to live it. I loved the idea that people from the entire world were instantly connected to each other. It made a lot of sense, I thought of it as a phone for a long time. It made sense that something that connects all humans would be used for communication- the free exchange of ideas. After that, using the internet was fun and exciting, it made me feel like I was living int he future.
Because it's been such a monumental achievement that has penetrated every aspect of life, it's only natural to speak to the impact it has had on my sex life.
As soon as I realized that I could look at pictures of naked men on the internet, I was so excited, and in a strange way, relieved. I'd always known that being young meant that I was powerful- blame it on my childhood, society, who really knows why I knew such things at such a young age. I remember the first sexual website I ever went on- hotnudemen.com, I'd seen an add for it in the back of Rolling Stone.
So, I basically stated using the internet for porn right away after that life changing moment. I learned through using the internet about myself, and validated feelings I'd been having my whole life. I learned about every aspect of gay sex pretty much overnight as well, a very powerful learning experience. I can't stress enough how grateful I am for having the internet there to teach me about myself. Now here I am plugging the internet online all these years later.
As soon as an ink jet printer was added to the growing entourage of family tech accessories, I immediately started using it to print out porn. I had porn of every kind- men of every color, twinks, daddies, studs, hardcore, basically everything. I kept it under my water bed where nobody would find it. I can't stress enough how inefficient it happens to be printing out porn on an Epson Stylus 740! In addition, it was extremely noisy, so I had to wait until I was alone.
Another big thing I remember from those days was how hard it was to go online at night. At one time, my family had the original teal I-Mac with a dial tone that would easily arouse suspicion from anywhere in the house. Even now, sometimes all I need to fall asleep is to ejaculate. I don't try to pretend that I'm not addicted to sex, and as long as a I get my fill, I'm totally cool. I can't stress how hard it was to download hot gay porn with that fucking dial tone! Also, what I couldn't handle was if the connection was lost, and I was close.
1/1/08
creepy
http://www.martijn.org
this website offends me
"Welcome to the website of MARTIJN Association: for acceptance of pedophilia and adult-child love relationships."
12/21/07
hoin!
jamielynnspears.com- official site
Current mood: inspired
I can't help but write a blog about Jamie-Lynn Marie Spears (born April 4, 1991), I feel weird doing this, but in a strange way it seems as though her life is "culturally relevant?" The story broke about her being 16 and pregnant; her mom asserts she is good christian girl who holds the highest possible moral and ethical convictions. I love how the spears girls didn't hesitate in fucking w/out condoms. Jamie, like Britney, is not so innocent. What happened to britney is going to happen to jaime lynn? Referencing the britney blog I wrote before, they're white, small town, southern girls with a strong christian background- of course those girls are going to be fucking at a young age, rubberless. I wonder what's going to happen to Jamie Lynn's fall from grace on disney. I hope she talks about the importance of safe sex after she has her baby! I noticed a correlation:
Disney girls gone bad:
Britney (bc of her breakdown)
Jamie Lynn (bc of internal cumshots @ 16)
Xtina (but only during her dirty phase)
Ashley Tisdale (already has a new nose)
Raven (she's not allowed to be famous for being black and fat)
Lindsay Lohan (for obvious reasons)
Zack and Cody (they were in the jt leroy fake biopic)
Zack Efron (possibly gay)
Hilary Duff (?)
It's not like I care about all of that, I just noticed a trend :D
-------------
c/p
Personal life
On December 18, 2007, it was announced in an article in OK! Magazine, to be released on December 19, 2007, that Jamie-Lynn is 12 weeks pregnant.
She and her mother spoke to the magazine in an exclusive interview. Nickelodeon, who carries Zoe 101, issued the following after the announcement:
"We respect Jamie-Lynn's decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn's well being."
The father is Casey Aldridge, 19, whom she met through church. Spears stated before Thanksgiving "she has no steady boyfriend."
11:18 - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
love
