stop following me!

I had the first nervous breakdown of my life about 6 months ago,
overall it was a learning experience because it taught me about
myself, as well as the people around me. Now I know what I should
expect from people, and boundaries I should and should never cross. It
seems like my life is a cascading endeavor into areas I should not
venture and the corresponding boundaries I wasn't supposed to cross.
It catapulted my life into a very different direction, and I only have
myself to blame (and thank). Who knows where I would be now if I
wasn't honest?

I'm much stronger now, and I'm so grateful that I can put it behind
me. I still get embarrassed when I think about the things I said and
did, I've looked really bad in front of so many people. Deep down, I
really just want everybody to like me, and I know a lot of people
don't because I've been too real with them, so much
thanks and blame for darrin goodness for keeping it funky real.

It's now so obvious to me about how much I lost touch with reality,
and that's a really scary thing. I still know I'm the only person who
knows what's real, but clearly I should just keep it to myself. The
voices in my head got stronger and louder during my unbalanced
episodes and time, I know now that some things aren't mean to be
shared. I'm not saying I'm schizophrenic, because I don't think I am,
but I have to be honest and say my dad was, because he tried to give
me anti schizophrenic drugs (rhisperdol) at one point in my life. I'm
not that stupid that I would take a pill that a schizo drug addict
child molester would take. I have a genius level I.Q. which means I'm
smart enough to google a pill before I take it.

My Britnespearsesque breakdown was one of the worst experiences of my
life, and I brought on myself by choosing to let myself loose control.
It's funny how it corresponded in time with Britney's real life break
down, maybe I'm psychically connected to her jk. My break down was the
synthesis of a lifetime of lies- lies that people around me forced me
to make, as well as lies I told myself to be able to cope with such
hostile living situations. My break down interestingly enough,
corresponded with several scientific breakthroughs I made, so to make
a long story short, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of
times."

Continuing my life and finding comfort only in myself and my
abilities, I have grown a lot from the experience. I plan on remaining
in control throughout the rest of my life- nobody wants to know how
weak and vulnerable you really are, nobody wants people to be that
real.

This blog isn't juicy yet? For a long time I was super paranoid about
the government following me. My paranoia hit its peak when I was
having my total nervous mental meltdown. I had a good 2 or 3 month run
where I knew they were seconds away from trying to kill me. I wouldn't
let people talk to me about anything unless I was in my house, how
creepy is that? When I was tripping after the love fest was the
scariest, because there were helicopters all over the place, AS WELL
AS a cop car parked out front of my house when I arrived there, having
walked there from downtown in a drug-induced stupor. Also, I would
like to say that I didn't hallucinate the cops, I never see shit
that's not really there. But yeah, that put me off of drugs for like a
hot minute.

So, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.

During that time in my life, I was constantly talking about my
equation for infinite life (which btw still stands as true unless
somebody can disprove it). I'm the genius who wrote an equation for
infinite life, combining physics, biology, and organic chemistry in a
beautiful and simple union- everything is connected by the way, or
didn't you hear? I'm all about biophysics, and variables still have
value! Clearly, I'm still decades ahead of my time, I hope I don't
have to wait decades more to receive the respect that I deserve. I
wish I could find an end to my entitlement phase, maybe it's just not
going to leave me any time soon? Or is that called having high self
esteem?

Which leaves me only 2 more problems I have to solve before I kill myself:

1. a single equation for time
2. a single equation for the universe

...keep dreaming bitch. Maybe it's going to happen sooner than I think...