$lutz get jealou$ love fame manifesto

One of the dominant "themes" in my life has always been love. "All those songs were written about us. People will always be jealous of what we have." Now love was just a fleeting moment in time, I hate it when everyone else is right, and I could not have been more wrong. Why does that keep happening?

My failure makes me more mad than sad.

I've been trying to figure love out this whole time. I've read hundreds of theories of love, some scientific, some not. Inevitably, I settled on psychologist Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love as the "most true" for me, at least. You can even read about it on wikipedia (I know we're not supposed to reference it) at the following url: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love.

***Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal
relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of
love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the
"perfect couple". According to Sternberg, such couples will continue
to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they
can not imagine themselves happy over the long term with anyone else,
they weather their few storms gracefully, and each delight in the
relationship with one other.[1] However, Sternberg cautions that
maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He
stresses the importance of translating the components of love into
action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves
can die" (1987, p.341). Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If
passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.***

Even now I try to put myself in a shell as if I were a small child, and pretend like what's really happening isn't. I still want to stick to my impossible dreams and fantasize about the ideal love that will always be good and never end, but I know it's not for me. Time will never be my friend, it will only be my mortal enemy, which is why I have to devote so much time to time. I want to believe in love so bad it hurts, but at the end of the day those beliefs are nothing, merely artificial constructions of a hypothetical life I've invented for myself only in my brain, and they don't make my life any better. So I'll choose to remain delusional for yet another day.

I have faith in what is good and true, and just like always I see my future unfolding in front of my eyes before it happens. I don't see love in my future.

I've had tastes of love, it's a better drug than any chemical I've ever ingested, it's a better high than any drug, and it's also a chemical reaction in our brains affecting humans' inability to think and act rationally (as if it were a drug).

For me, I think love will always be an idea, instead of an emotion or a verb.

I don't know if I can ever love someone the right way, which is
clearly the reason why love didn't work out for me. I don't think
loving someone can be learned, it seems like it's an innate ability,
and one that I just don't have. However, I'm so happy and grateful for
the love I have gotten, nostalgic memories always fill me with
happiness from the past, I hold the images and feelings in my head as
long as I can, but lately I can no longer see anything. Sometimes, I
catch myself day dreaming for long periods of time. I have so many
good memories, I know I'm l lucky to live the life I've lived, walked
where I have walked, and seen and experienced what I've received.

Why have I been so lucky and given so much?

So, love is my drug. Why does nobody love me? Why do I believe in
love? I know I shouldn't, I know I should focus my will on more
productive endeavors. Clearly, I'm the kind of person to become
codependent if given the chance, it will be less embarrassing to just
be alone. I know it's possible to be happy every day, it would just be
nice to have that extra bonus. I have many things I can do to make
myself happy; my life is very fulfilling and full of purpose. I always
told myself that if love didn't happen the first time, it wasn't meant
to be; I've given up on that dream. It is better to have loved and
lost than to have never loved at all = a really bad saying, I'd rather
just be ignorant because ignorance is bliss.

I'm alone.

Which brings me to the only point in this blog. It's not a point,
everybody knows I'm totally full of shit and in my mid 20s with no
success to speak of (save for my equation for infinite life).




#1 I want to be famous because I want everyone to love me, and think
I'm special. That kind of love is real.