do you ever feel like somebody's watching you?

Cause I hella do! It's not just recently, for years I have had this strange and ominous feeling, that even though I'm led to think I'm alone, I'm not. I'm never alone. It's not just one person stalking me, I wish it were as simple as that. In fact, it's much more complex than that.

I'm not the only one. It seems like humans are fascinated by the notion of somebody watching us. Just think about all the exhibitionists you yourself know in your very own life, because everyone knows a lot of them. On the other hand, humans are just as fascinated by voyeurs, and the power that can give you over other people. We love to get the chance to spy on people, and the degree to which people will go is always shocking. People are always getting caught putting a hidden camera in the locker room, reading their friends diaries, or stealing passwords and snooping on others' myspaces, bank accounts, or e-mail accounts. From real life corporate surveillance, to fanciful notions of "big brother" our complex modern life opens up new complex, modern dramas which play themselves both in real life as well as just in our minds.

Obviously, most people who claim that they're being watched and/or followed are really just mentally ill and most likely schizophrenic. I do admit to hearing voices in my head, but I feel as though they're my own, if I were in fact mentally ill it would have been dignosed by now, either by myself, or my peers telling me I'm fucking crazy as hell. I'm not, I'm totally sane and emotionally undesturbed. I don't do drugs, in fact I find pharmeceuticals especially risky when it comes to mental and emotional health and stability.

Someone like me- young, brilliant, and full of life, yet still diametrically opposed to institutions, government, and the current culturally & socially accepted norms/mores is realistically the biggest threat to the society, and more specifically this failure of leaders we call government. The fact that I'm attractive and queer as well as being an ethnic minority only adds to this problem, because I have come to realize that just being who I am is the most transgressive type of person to the power structure. As a result, I do feel scared. I'm not the kind of person society wants to have money nor power.

So is the government watching me? When I first began to attend elementary school, they thought I was retarded. I had to attend special classes with all of the other students who were so stupid they had to attend the special classes. I think in 4th or 5th grade we got the G.A.T.E. test to see if anyone was. Since I came back gifted, I then got to go to the special classes with those students who were so intelligent, that they were made to attend special classes. Obviously, with Buena Vista Elementary School being a public elementary school, it is a government agency, so this kind of information is immediately reported to the government. And then there's the IQ tests.... I know I wrote about this before.

So then I went on this crazy tip that maybe the Singularity Institute and Google are watching me... but it's such a long story I have to save it for another blog...

have I essentially written this same blog before?? No seriously.