Jealousy is such an evil thing...

Now that I am older, I've come to have a much more realistic view of love and relationships. When I was younger, and even in the recent past I held onto unrealistic expectations of people, love, and relationships, and I made the huge mistake of assuming that finding a relationship would make my life be better and make me a happier person.

I've gotten off to a slow start and only had sex with a few guys in the beginning, thinking that I would somehow find "the one" and settle down, which does not happen in gay relationships especially when one is younger. I've been with a lot more people now, and I accept the fact that nobody will ever just be mine. Demanding a life time commitment from someone is both unfair and unrealistic. Jealousy is a negative emotion and one I don't want to have in my life, and moving past it has been a huge challenge but has made me much more well adjusted and fit to survive in the complex, modern world.

I love it when I go out and I see guys I hooked up with hooking up with other guys. It turns me on a lot actually! Even when boyfriends cheated on me I didn't get mad unless they lied about it... there's something sexy about seeing someone u know intimately hook up or have sex with other people. In a way one gets a truer sense of who the person really is.

With that being said, I don't think I could ever be in an open relationship, because I don't think of them as real. In my opinion, one is just having sex more with one person than they are with everyone else.

I know I should read The Ethical Slut because a lot of people told me that it's a good book but I feel like journeying into this world would be depressing for me, because it would be another example of trying to accept the fact that love does not exist.