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I <3 Scott Thom


[06 Dec 2002|02:31pm]
Hi, I just finished my registration. I'm very excite beccause if it all goes well I wont have class till 10:00 on Monday and Wednesday, and not till 12:35 on tuesday and thursday. A small problem, I will be in class til 9:45 at night on Thursdays, clubbing confliction. Yesterday was one of the best dance parties of all time. Darrin and Mickey were dressed as pirates, I was an elektrogoth in a techno skirt and Leslie was 80's MILF. We all looked hot as hell and we proved it. Great dancing. On our drive home Darrin rode in the trunk because there were eight people in some fourdoor sedan. It was trey bien. The only thing that could make life better would be vegan nachos mmmmmmnnm. Im talking with Brandon right now, my room-mate. Hes way cool we are discussing racial tension, and then how girls prefer guys with accents. We always have damn good conversation.

Im doing good, Love you -pillowboy-

(1 thought/insight | tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)

[03 Dec 2002|11:09pm]
HI I JUST WENT FOR A WALK TODAY WITH DARRIN GOODNESS. THAT WAS GOOD, ITS GOOD TO MOVE AROUND THAT WAY YOUR MUSCLES DONT ATROPHY. I WAS WATCHING THE OSBOURNES WITH LESLIE AS OF A SECOND AGO. ITS IRONIC I'VE CONCLUDED. PEOPLE ARE SO OBSESSED WITH REALITY TV, IT'S REALITY. I THINK PEOPLE ARE OBSESSED WITH TV THAT IS MORE LIKE REAL LIFE. FOR EXAMPLE FRIENDS, SEINFELD, COSBYS, CHEERS, THESE WERE JUST COMEDY IN MUNDANE LIFE. NOW THE REAL WORLD AND OTHER REALITY SHOWS, ARE GETTING "CLOSER" TO REAL LIFE. I GET COMPLETELY SUCKED INTO THE TV. BUT IF WE ARE ABSORBED WITH OTHER PEOPLES REAL LIVES, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST LIVE OUR OWN. TODAY I WENT ON A THRIFT ADVENTURE WITH LESLIE. GOD THAT GIRL IS LIKE MY IDOL; NO BUT I DEFINITELY DO ADMIRE HER. WALKED AROUND, CAME UP WITH SOME GOOD IDEAS- GOT A HEAD START ON X-MAS. VEGAN NACHOS ARE THE GREATEST EVER! DARRIN GOODNESS AND I HAVE DISCUSSED THEIR MASS APPEAL AND AGREE THAT VEGAN NACHOS ARE GOOD TO THE CORE.

I LOVE YOU -pillowboy-

(tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)

A list to prove sanity [12 Nov 2002|04:16am]
Umm. .. it's so like four something in the morning; I am like crazy or something. I will be in fashion analysis at eight as usual. Life has been unstructured and as messy as my emotional self lately. Heres a list that I can check for tomorrow and for you to enjoy.

1Fashion Analysis
2Talk to Alex(about my sensitive bitch issues)
3Get some sleep
4follow a nutritious way eating
5Call that cool girl- Sailor
6study for fashion test on Thursday
7Possibly go on Darin's adventure
8Invite someone to eat lunch in the future
9Get books for my persuasive speech project
10decide what the hell I'll speel about
11trip? is it on?
12talk to carisa, my emotional mess counterpart
13relax dont be such a fuckin freak

Love you all- even in the early morning -pillowboy-

(tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)
SO mucH [10 Nov 2002|04:16pm]
Yesterday I went to Jazmine's DJ event. It was really the Gay Shame dance part in disguise.

Before getting to this point I awoke up before the Dining Center opened. I fussed around quietly- careful not to awake Leslie Slokavich my weekend roommate. Found something to wear and went to eat. When I came back Leslie vanished and I played guitar. Did some homework; no not really. Just did some yoga etc. Made plans to go to buena vista; which was a ploy to go to a pet store. Alright. Put on white eye shadow under my eyes- "wow Im a fuckin robot," I said to the mirror. went on several buses and walked many streets. When we actually arrived at the pet store it was a veterinarian or something of the sort. We walked from the mission to the Castro. We had dinner at a Mexican grill; it was pretty good. We ate in front of the window outlooking into the eyes of twinkbutthunters. Darrin was right there looking out eating, like it was a movie or dinner theater. I had to fix my hair several times yesterday..... Hmmmf. I did cut my hair; or I should say Darrin did a fabu job. Fabu, I actually have bangs- can't decide if I look Ladytron or If I look like Dum and Dummer. As If I hadn't had enough fun we came to the doorms 8:30 had an hour and a half to change and GO to the partay. We arrived, leslie looked way fashion forward; which totally fit. It was a really artsy crowd. We came in upon a theatrical performance of a sort. I don't know; it involved stripping lesbians on stilts- one of which was wearing leather and a wheel. There was a prize give away which included a refurbished bike and dildos. Danced..... then danced. I felt free with these people; anything I could do that was unnormal would've been seen as creativity. So I danced weird as usual. There were some cute guys, but I had this feeling they were all crack sluts anyway. My favorite part of the night besides Darrin getting careening head first into a piss stained mattress, while getting humped by the lovely Jazzman; was after the party. It was freezing cold and we went at first to look for a Denny's. I guess we sobered up from those intoxicating endorphins cuz someone piped up; "thats over five miles from here." So we went to 711 which was all of two blocks. What a magical place, I mean a place to get your grub on 24/7. Had a lot of sugar but Im OK, Im just fine. We came back to the party house- realizing we had 4 hours or so in the freezing cold- if we waited for the bart. Didn't really sleep til 10:00 this morning. It was all so good. THANKYOU

LOVE YOU ALL, -pillowboy-

(1 thought/insight | tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)
So far [06 Nov 2002|11:31pm]
Hi im currently writing from the lounge in mary park-actually the nearby computer lab. Today I walked to West Portal after my classes. That was about a two and a half mile distance. It felt good; I mean what other physical activity am I gonna do. I love feeling independent; I love to feel calm and carefree. I hate solidarity. Every moment Im alone without some major work or distraction I find myself quickly becoming sad or apathetic. I hate that- don't be such a fucking blade in the wind, don't just fall over. I am after all not going home; not this weekend, it's all good. I just ate trail mix with m&ms and a bag of rolled gold- musn't eat so late at night lest I become fat. I played guitar for over an hour- saw the video for Ladytron, inspirational. I don't know what to say really, I want to go back and hang a bit with Leslie and Darrin.

Love you all -pillowboy-

(tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!

little to say [05 Nov 2002|10:54am]
Yesterday I walked to Borders again and listened to music for about two or so hours. I discovered such good things. Thats the problem with me I like beauty in all facets; I want to be apart of it all. I have become increasingly become aware of my limited and dwindling cash. Tori Amos tickets 50.50, Dinner 12.34, thrift spree with Darrin Goodness, PRICELESS. I need a job, I'm way lazy. Been playing guitar; I am going to be a rock-star even if I'm an apathetic log.

LOVE you all


-PILLOWBOY-

(1 thought/insight | tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)
good morning : ) [04 Nov 2002|06:32am]
[ mood | strange, tired awake, horny ]
[ music | Amy typing an all-nighter in the Comp. Lab ]

GOOD MORNING, it is 6:30 or so in the morning and I have just woken up from a three hour sleep cycle. It's true three hours makes one feel beter than four. I know that doesn't make sense- our sleep cycles occur in three hour periods so I made a cycle, it's better. Yesterday was a good day. I'm so sick of just lounging around; I just want to get up and go somewhere or do something- not homework- I never have enough enthusiasm for that bull-shit. Yesterday I up and walked to Border's Book Store; It's true what Darrin says, "Things that aren't special are the best." Borders of course is generic but commercial and comforting in the independent SF area. Fred Meyers is the best. So I walked there and listened to some music and walked back to meet Darrin at 4:15. We were off to the Castro for a Gay Shame Protest. Gay Shame is a group of the Gays; who are disatisfied with- the way gays are portrayed in the media, hate crime, GLBT issues, and everything. We did a small march carrying signs of Qwen Arujo and Jihad- Jihad sounds like holy war. We were instructed to shake our noise makers- I know, I was like what does that mean; not that kinda volunteer work again!- then some like guy gives us like beans in a palmolive bottle. When I shook the noise maker I could only imagine how much it looked like an air hand job- we're talking extreme mime here. So we were told to make even more noise so I barked like a chihuahua- did I mention we were carrying flaming torches through the streets. It was insane. The leader was a Traci Chapman of a man; who would take his megaphone and boo like a mechanical haloween gimick. It was honestly a hilarious thing; a good cause lost to tastelessness, tactless. I got a natural high from the yelling- yay for animalism. Gay Shame was the most fashion forward, interesting looking group ever- they were fabulous. Some cute guys too- theres always something wrong however; relationships are like thrift store finds something's fucked, be it a snag or over embellishment. The people there were way angry and scary in there unapologetic way; the guys were a new breed of gay- a strange encounter to the dar; must update system. After that rousing experience we went to Jazmines' friend's house. At Whitney's we watched episodes of QAF( Queer AS FuCK)- super gay day. Came home late. There is talk that possibly Friday I may be making a guest appearance in LA- hope it works out.

LOve you all -Pilowboy-

(tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)
Halloween [02 Nov 2002|09:52pm

Halloween [02 Nov 2002|09:52pm]
Hey, it's already saturday; I guess I've been too party'ed out do write. Halloween was an awesome experience, it had everything. I wore a corsette, black angel wings and horns; under my corset I had a white dress shirt. It sounds goofy; but think more chic. I did my makeup heavy liner with cat ends and a dot of glitter at my cornea. I overspent completely- wings, corsette, horns. I however really liked my costume this year; every year before has always been so so. After the fussing process we made it toward Castro. It was the end of the world. There was a boy at the crowded station who was pantsing himself and wanking the doodle at passing cars. Cars honked at the costumed masses- all from our school. The crowd cheered the wild exhibitionist and we were then headed on the muni M line. To the Castro we made our pagan pilgramage. It was butts to nuts crowded in there. The windows steemed with the sweating of our bodies; children scrawled help me on the steamy windows. I actually had my ass near falling into this girls lap. There was no room. Ricky,a psycho dinosaur crowd surfed and then proceeded to nose dive into the dirty muni floor. The ganja filled the moist sweltering air. "Get me out of here; no seriously were like stuck, like were gonna die under ground, ughhhh," I freaked. Well I cannot even describe the surreal nature and horror of the bus. We exited on Castro, only to be dumped into a crowd of 300,000 people. If there was ever a time for biological warfare that was the place. Crazy night-didn't see but by friends accounts- stabbings, people having anal sex in the middle of the road, end of the world. The crowd was over powering; I was a nameless face being pushed like a prisoner by the pushers and shovers. We left to Pop Scenes because it was too much. Pop Scenes was so great because it was halloween- I actually had room to dance. Violent crazy dramatic dancing on Halloween. That night we came back like war victims. Beaten up, older, out of the wood work like Michael Jackson's Thriller Zombies. Happy happy Halloween.

(tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)

[30 Oct 2002|01:05am]
Today was not memorable for some reason. I hung out with this girl Lauryn, whom I had met at the Club Pop Scenes. She seems way nice and cool; I don't know, It's hard to get a sense off a person when your walls are so high. My defenses were up all day until come eight or so. I got 5 or so hours two days in a row so Im a little sleepy. It's good to be sleepy your walls fall down and it's a lot easier. I can talk to people when Im near falling over, I guess. Got Halloween costume. Tori Amos does drugs; I don't know If she's my heroe so much anymore. I just talked to this guy who'm I had given my number to, about three weeks ago or so. He never called; but both times I've talked to him I've actually had some good conversations. He isn't that great but companionship is a human function completely not being filled right now. When I talked to him I got way nervous, why? I don't know why; he isn't as cute as I remember him being. He is more efeminate, has large ears, mild acne and makes good conversation. Whatever.

GOODnight Love Pillowboy

(2 thought/insights | tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)

in the cafe [28 Oct 2002|05:00pm]
Hi pillowboy here, Im eating for like the fifth time today. Non-stop fun; the cold weather or something has a psychological effect upon me and I just keep on salivating all day long and eating all day. The point of fullness is quite hard to reach, I feel food raunchy. Its all empty and it's all cloudy. I feel snug comfortable now, outside it's really pricking cold. My room-mate and his girlfriend were snuggling in their bed. I know it's sweet and I'd probably wan't to do the same. Snuggling, that stuff is so private; every time I walk into my own room I feel intrusive. I think I'd feel better walking in on them having let's say sex if they do; than walking in on the endless spoonage. It's cold, cloudy, theres a hot guy walking around in the cafe; he's wearing some raver bracelets. I don't know

Later, Love pillowboy

(tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)
now i am . . . . [28 Oct 2002|12:42am]
[ mood | wahhhh ]
[ music | silence ]

Today I read a book entitled, "Democracy for the Few," It made me totally depressed. If you've read any of my other journals you're proably realizing a trend here. My class introduction into world affairs is eye opening but majorly depressing. The book just got me picking away at everything, life just seemed like such a rasp of what it's supposed to be. With everything going on, impending war etc. We are starved of our primary components, and it seems in this structured world we are looking for the pieces. Like looking for bits of useful garbage we are reclaiming the past, reclaiming happines. I don't know its sad how something like that can totally throw you off track. It's my fault too, I've been perpetuating the negativity. I refused to say HI to people today. I'm sick of all the half smirked smiles, more so of fear than of genuine friendship. On my floor Im such a wonder fag, I swear people want to be my friend just cuz I'm gay or something. Will they understand when they realize Im more than a smiling single FAG. Im synical, mean, shy, fucking emotional mess sometimes. Im sick of all the fakeness, dsjkfj;asfadfajdf. Missed some people today, they were off elswhere. Sorry for this EMO, crap, patch, anilingus, hot lunch munching, downtrodden, waste of space, ferocious vag monster, poo font, beef streugenaf, borshk, mother bleeping, bastard, hot noodle pesto. piece of crap, felatiemon, poon tang, rim job, snorkle, cream corn, ram blaster, hamster, crap crock of shit; I have subjected you to. Still Love you all

Love Pillowboy

today is a day [20 Oct 2002|02:30am]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | quiet whispers of people ]

First of all I'd like to say Margaret Cho was a blast; I guess I totally went amnesiac in my journal because of yesterdays sloshing. It was fun seeing Megan and meeting her friends from home, new home that is. We are from the same city, Westlake Village. It was so fun, Margaret looked like a drag-queen, is that a hyphenated word? No she loves her gays, to the point where she is now a woman playing a man pretending to be a woman. Today I had lunch or brunch with pals, then I went and attempted to do work. After dinner at 6:00 o'clock sharp, I went with Darrin and friends to go thrifting. Thrifting is it's own verb. It was fun and I got some clothes. we'd get into a store and the owner would talk over the speaker, "We will be closing in 15 minutes." It felt like that shopping game show; I was all trying to find cute clothes in under 15, it was cool. Can I just say people are incohesive. Incohesive; like no one ever wants to do the same thing at the same time. So I waited to see what people were going to do and consequently, nothing happened. I blame everything on temperal mood disorder. The first day it got cloudy this week every other person was dealing with minor depression; myself included. Theres something important to say but I forgot. I shall ramble. I care to much what you think. You know who you are, so be warned. I want a boyfriend, I desire macaroni necklaces(see S. Park), consistency, spoonage, secrets, friendship and sex. Oh well, I say like Eeore. Today is the day that I will start to grow up, all innocence is lost(JK), just being fatal. Yay. Well top of the muffin to ya.

Love you, Love you journal. Pillow boy

(2 thought/insights | tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)
experience [19 Oct 2002|04:09am]
Sorry I neglected to write about Thursday's events. I went to Pop Scenes. Pop Scenes is a dance club I like to go to on Thursday. They play eighties, riot girl, elektro clash etc music. I feel so old and experienced. I felt sick on the way to Pop Scenes but I willed myself to health. I started meditating right there on the muni station; it must have worked because Darrin said I was generating heat. I got in Pop Scenes and felt so gross, but with the power of music I felt alive yet again. I danced well with alot of energy, a girl there said, "you're the best dancer, but don't tell anyone." After the club, friends and I went to a gas station for food. I got a huge bag of nuts and a slab of dark chocolate. It was so good. Today I also ate a lot of chocolate from Sees' candy. Perceviering through sickness to dance four or so hours makes me seem old to myself. Today I feel older still, yet adventurous. I snuck into The Bar on Castro. I completely just ran in while the bouncer was yelling stop, stop. I waited in the dark smoking area for ten minutes or so. Oh I went with Darrin and Ivan, Ivan is such a cute ideal. I always thought Ivan was a slut, but no no. I had a margarita and a few sips of what is known as a gin and tonic. Apparently I got drunk. I was experiencing faders, dizziness and giddiness. I'll be honest It was enjoyable but not something I will do again. I was surprised how outgoing I was being. I started dancing really enthusiastically, while no one else was dancing. I was a responsible drunk; I made sure as to drink plenty of water and to eat a bit shortly after. Can I just tell you how Asian I am; I mean one drink and I was fucked up, one more and Lights'ed be out. So now I feel old and experienced, I hope this helps me out somehow. Oh gournal I don't feel like talking right now but I love you.

-Pillowboy-

(1 thought/insight | tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)

0/11 [12 Oct 2002|02:11am]
[ mood | fulfilled,good tired ]

Today i triumphed, I conquered the public transportation system and made it to the DMV. It's sad what a good feeling I got finding my way there alone. At the DMV I had to wait oh, a couple of hours I made it productive. I read and observed. I noticed a man sexy in a stereotypical way. I caught his eye, what a fag, he was all wonderin why I wasnt all oogling him. He had this irratating air abou him, pretention, average sexiness, he fell into the gap and never escaped. Im gay but Im not like that, cruisy as to the point to look for a hot bottom at the local DMV. I came home felt completely good about making it back alive and went to dinner. I ate with Darrin, Justin, Eve and such, its so nice to eat meals with people. I always have fun talking to people, joking around etc. Eve is so fun, Justin too, I feel quite familial around them at times, smiles. I went to Samyah's concert, people on stage all had to dress in black, no other rules. It was so cool to see peoples own style transcending into something as formal and proffessional as a classical concert. It reminded me of an all black collection by some big designer. One girl was wearing a tight black t-shirt, a ruffly velvet 80's skirt and massive dreads to top it off. After the concert we went to coffee on church, Sparky's. On the way to the muni station we stopped at Justin's apartment, it was spacious and it had Ikea in it. Also I met Darrin's friends, Shakrah and Philip, they seem pretty nice and all. Coffee was good, I had a bundle of joy bouncing around with Samayah to the shop and back. I don't know what else to say, hope Im not being mean.

later sweet journal, love: Pillowboy

(1 thought/insight | tear me apart you merciless bitchmen!)