tonight- nitrous at 7 on the 14

Last night I got on the bus (it had been a while) and I rode on it for
about 45 minutes. Often, I *try* to enjoy a bus ride, because if I
didn't try, I'd be annoyed that I had to spend so much time on
something so dirty and inefficient, but today I'm going to pretend
like that's not the case, because I'm basically going to have to be on
the bus so many more times.

Anyways, I'd been on the bus for about 15 minutes, when a young man
with skater shoes, baggy jeans, and long hair got on the bus. He had
the beginnings of a mustache, so from that I got the impression that
he was young, maybe 16 or 17, but as I've gotten older, I realize that
the "baby mustache" isn't always a sign of youth, because there are so
many people who are way old and have what only appears to be the
beginning stages of facial hair.

But I did think that he was young. He has a big black backpack with
him, and loose fitting clothes. He was taller than I am, but who
isn't? Strangely enough, the way he looked and acted reminded me so
much of my little brother, which is what endeared me to him.
Mannerisms, looks, even physically- everything was a little too
similar.

So, he was only on the bus for a minute or two before he started
breathing hella nitrous. By nitrous I mean he was changing the
cartridges like a mad man, all while being in the middle of a rather
crowded bus. I like nitrous just as much as the next person, and it's
also legal (which makes it easy to get, and cheap) but I don't feel
like the 14 Mission is the right place to take more than 15 whippets
at 7p.m. and if he's doing it all over the bus, he's clearly doing way
more shit than that, on his own time. I might be histrionic, but in a
way I was worried- I wanted to say something or do something. I held
back, I always feel like it's not my place.

So, he was taking nitrous hits out of the metal shit, making all kinds
of noise, and everyone around him kept looking with confused looks on
their faces. The kid was listening to either bluegrass or some hippy
shit on his ipod, because I could hear it (I was sitting across from
him) and he had to plug the headphones in so many times, because he
kept getting fucked up and loosing control of his body for seconds at
a time (which is what nitrous does).

Recently, a friend told me something I loved. They said, "You're
falling off a cliff, just like everyone else, and it makes no sense to
try to pretend. If you grab at the rocks, they're only going to make
you fall even faster, and you're trying as hard as you can to avoid
hitting the ground. It makes no sense to do anything, you should only
be taking care of yourself."