d.p.d.

I've always loved the idea of a "clean slate" it just sounds so right.
It seems so liberating to be able to start your life over in a new
place around new people, no mention of the past, where nobody knows
who you are, what happened to you. It's a great opportunity to take
all your secrets to the grave (or live forever, and write an
autobiography called Scars: A Gay Native American's Journey From Self
Hatred To Self Love). That power would give me the opportunity to
completely reinvent myself (like Her Madgesty).

Most people want connection, but I don't. I inspire myself, and I only
want power. I don't trust anybody.

I know I could be whoever I want to begin with, but the past weighs me
down like a ton of bricks, preventing my evolution, progress, and
vision. My dreams of my past get more vivid every night, no wonder I
can't stop grinding my teeth. Unfortunately, I haven't had that many
opportunities to start over, the only real time I've ever been to
remake myself was when I moved 30 miles west to San Francisco, even
that didn't help me escape my dark past.

No matter how hard I try I can't get away from myself and my previous
life. It's ironic that one of my only goals (which is totally
scribbled into the "easy" category) never seems to come to pass.

Am I fated to be continually haunted by my past and previous
identities? Why does it have to be like that?

I see no value in history and the past. If people really learned
anything from history, then Utopia would have been established so long
ago it's not even funny. So that's why history doesn't matter.

My ultimate fantasy? To flee the country secretly and totally
unexpectedly, move to another continent, immediately change my name,
identity, and entire life, and perhaps get more plastic surgery. I
would finally be perfect, and I know perfection is 100% attainable.

Some texts suggest people like this suffer from Dissociative
Personality Disorder, and it's probably true.

SO, when I'm gone, don't say I didn't send enough messages...