numbers 1-4

What would I actually become if I got large amounts of money and power?
!@#$%^&*()_+~<>?"



Umm, I think I already know.

1. I would most assuredly gain large amounts of weight. I haven't had
surpluses of food since I was 17, and I know if I had food laying
around all over the place I'd be eating all fucking day. I'd estimate
that I would gain 2 lbs/week. As a response, I would probably get more
and more plastic surgery, which I'm sure would look pretty foolish.
I've noticed that unless a certain amount of starvation is involved, I
blow up like a balloon (I blame my Native American DNA, we've all seen
what they look like when they eat "modern food" instead of rice, corn,
and squash- they're the most diabetic, fattest people ever).

2. Permanent highlights, and I can only assume if I had money (and the
time money gives) I would buy all sorts of hideous "fashionable"
clothes, so I'd probably look like a Castro clone meets Kelly Osbourne
on a daily basis.

3. I'd travel from place to place via helicopter, going out on a limb
I'd say "green helicopter" although I don't know if one has been
invented or not.

4. H.B.I.C. would mean nothing until I adopt it. My bitchiness, ego
centrism, and self-involvement would grow its own zip code (do you
know anybody like that, because I do).

So, I would basically turn into Perez Hilton after a few months. We're
not talking shit on Perez (we would never) because we LOVE LOVE LOVE
Perez. I have sexual fantasies about you, Perez. Thank you, Perez, for
copying and pasting better than anybody else. And thank you Perez, for
outing people, you're the only one speaking the truth.

...I would be that asshole at the bar barking, "Fix me a drink!"