club drama

Last night was Thanksgiving, and since I'm always in the city for real holidays I like to go out to the clubs because it's reasonable to assume everyone there will be the kind of people that actually live here, and not the people who "live" here.

Last night as I was coming out of Church station to go kick it at Lime, I saw what I first thought was a bum bent over, trying to draw attention to his calves, which were in fact nice, actually that was the first thing I noticed about this person.

I walked by and was waiting for the outside side entrance to open so I could go punch the door code to the inside locked door. The guy came right up to me and asked me if I party, which means if I smoke meth or not. I said I didn't, and he said that's why he probably didn't see me out, even though I've been partying in Castro for the past 8 years.

Right away he started to ask me for $20 to suck my dick, which I thought was pretty cheap, cause I've heard of crack whores always saying 20 to suck, 40 to fuck. In the big scheme of things this white guy didn't look terrible, and he didn't look that weathered. It seemed like he was trying to pretend to be straight, and he also said he had friends who were down for some group action.

I actually won't pay for sex... I would let a guy to pay me to suck my dick but that would only be if I knew the guy was clean. This guy kept telling me that I have such a good face that I should have sugar daddies, but I don't like that dynamic in a relationship and I can make my own money. It's strange how intrinsic having sex with people for money is to most people.

It was the desperation that really struck me. I would have loved to have sex with this guy because he was attractive, because when I declined he tried to massage me. Also, I knew crossing boundaries with this individual would put me at risk. I gave him $5 and told him a few times that he should spend it on food. He gave me a really tight hug. I saw the same guy later that night before I stepped into Badlands and he tried to hug me but I said I had to go.

It makes me sad how self destructive so many people in our community are.

Ironically later that night I saw this guy who I had sex with twice out... he was belligerently drunk and was kind of acting like a bitch. He said he wanted to go home and have sex with me but I was out with my friends, which made him upset and he said, "Fuck you, Darrin! You always do this to me!" He went to the dance floor and tried to hook up with other guys but they kept rejecting him.

I don't appreciate how complicated my relationships with other guys happen to be.