loosing people

As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that my biggest challenges seem to be love and loss. It sounds weak to admit this, but what I mostly think about is falling in love and making it last forever. The future is not certain for any of us, and although we exert a fair amount of free will over our fates, I observe much suffering in the world, and huge absences of love.

Love is the most powerful of drugs, and seems to skew my judgement and rationality worse than any substance has. I find platonic love just as challenging- the realization that friends I care about will leave me is sometimes just as devastating; when loved ones talk about dying before me I really feel the pain of loss, even though it has not yet come to pass. I feel psychic because I'm able to feel things before they happen.

It makes me really sad when I realize that I'll be alone after people I choose to love fall away. Thinking rationally, I know it's unfair and unrealistic to demand life long commitments from people. Existence is transitory, life on earth doesn't work like that, and I am fundamentally narcissistic to blindly assume I will be the one left behind. Yet I've always felt as though I will somehow find a way to achieve immortality because my fear of death is so strong I fight it with my entire spirit and life force.

Perhaps it's because I'm an Aries which is represented by a baby that I'm so single minded, and have such simplistic views towards humans and relationships. At the same time Arians' spiritual goal is to learn the meaning of selfless love.

Aries are supposed to embrace change, but for me it just seems painful. I feel like I have already experienced loss at a rather fundamental level, but I'm not trying to tell a sob story here on a blog, everyone has one and I don't have time for any of them.