long night

I can't sleep. It happens from time to time. I hope ppl don't think I'm on uppers. I wouldn't waste my time on that shit. I'm naturally energetic because I'm a kinetic learner. Basically, I learn by moving my body, and I know that's why I like to dance. I don't have ADD, but I do like to multi-task with a vengeance.

I also like to dance because I'm a hard femme, and hard femmes LOVE 2 dance. Hard femmes will cry in front of you, but they still "try" to "bring home the bacon." A lot of people read being a hard femme as having an inferiority complex, or "trying too hard to live up to gender normative "rules"." However, not many people can understand a hard femme because they're rare to find. Hard femmes don't necessarily mean a top, because In my eyes, you have to be versatile to be a "hard femme." Hard femmes are addicted to power, any power they can possible achieve. Don't let that bitch know yr secrets, that's a stupid mistake to make. I only trust fellow hard femmes. jk ;)

$oloterre is a hard femme, that mom of hers is the original hard femme. Dee Dee Russell is a hard ass femme. Ray, MANI, Aura, Dinaz Kardooni, Pyle, Matches, Trinket, and Taquila are all hard femmes in my eyes. Who knows what they really happen to be. West is a "soft femme" lol. Maybe I can get him to be a soft butch, like I've always wanted. I think I'd call Erwin a "secret butch" who "uses being a hard femme as a tool against other men." Only Erwin can say for sure, I don't fukkin know.

Umm, celebrity hard femmes? Tyra, Madonna, Oprah, Lucy Lawless, Amy and David Sedaris, Paris Hilton, Margaret Cho, Jenna Jameson, Rupaul, Cher, drag queens, Anna Nicole Smith, Buffy, Aeon Flux, Dee Dee Russell, Rosie O'Donnell, a lot of the guys on Logo, Usher, 50 Cent, most male athletes, Dolly Parton... do you want me to continue?

There's so many other things with which I could label people. Kevin Kessler happens to be butch, strangely enough, although he's violent against trans people. Sean Cassidy is a femme bottom, if I had to call him something. I think I'm just going to call him a femme, for arguments sake, cause he likes it when "people have power over me. It's sexy, I like authority." Maybe he's a stone femme bottom? lol

Once in a while there really are butch tops and femme bottoms, but I've noticed it's not always the case. Every lesbian I know loves to tell me " What Darrin? You never heard? Femme top, butch bottom. Duh!" I know they are talking about themselves in those situations, but I'm noticing a trend, I guess that's all. People are talking more and more about gender vs. biological sex, and people are realizing more and more that gender is a joke, and it's the reason why "straight guys" like philip morganelli and kevin kessler are fucked up, violent, and can't speak about their emotions, hence even more fucked up. That applies especially to white "straight" men, who all happen to be gay inside, girl. Get them alone, and promise to not tell anybody and they are ALL TO EAGER TO PLEASE. Loves it. This trend of speaking about gender is especially changing people's ideas of what it is to be "queer."

I tried to be gender queer. I couldn't do it? I guess Levi is gender queer, in some aspects, but only because a "hard femme" happens to be "gender queer". I bet there will be a new term for it before you know what hit you. He and I tried to figure out Kyle. We decided on "Kyle is a Sphynx." I think he's like Quentin Crisp, which is AMAZING, but only he can tell you. Nobody knows.

Anyways, I had a lot of fun today! I saw a bunch of ppl I like. I thought about walking to Angela's house because I was so fukkin close, but I didn't. I walked through the park alone at night through the tree parts. I love doing that.

Sometimes, you stumble on camps, you see first hand that there's got to be around 100 people who sleep in golden gate park all kinds, every single night. I've even made friends with them (more than 3). They have different groups and different names, it's really interesting. I find them to be like small egalitarian societies, who only fight other small, egalitarian societies. In that aspect, they mirror the American Indian tribes. They were all small egalitarian societies, who only fight other small, egalitarian societies, until they all got killed by white people's GUNS and SUPERABUNDANCE of diseases. Now if you're Native American, you network with other Native Americans. p.s. I'm worshiped as a god. I'm called a "2 Spirit." It means they have to listen to what I tell them to do, because I'm "rare to find" and hence, a "treasure."

Austin Mantele used to talk about his odd fixation with groups such as this, subsequently expressing his desire to go join one. An example was gypsies who live in catacombs. I thought that a weird thing to want, and only somebody who has done one too many drugs one too many times would think some bullshit like that.

Speaking of people who tried really hard to be a hard femme, Austin Mantele (or the heir to the Wizard of Oz throne as I like to call him) tried and failed miserably. He's not the Corky, he's the Violet, and he can't be the Corky because of what he is and that at which he is good. If anything, I would call him a "soft butch (bottom)" to be quite honest, I'm not too sure how to define that shit. It's anyone's guess what he does on his own time, and just with whom he does it. He's all about little schemes just like me, and guess what? He IS sketchy enough to get whatever he wants (which mimics a hard femme) but still has the low self esteem of a "soft butch." lol

I always find it interesting that people who get whatever they want don't seem to get what they "really need."