On the Run

I don't care about what all the others say... cuz I guess there are some things that will just never go away. I wish that I could say that there's no better place than home, but home's a place that I have never known. That's why we're on the run...

steppin her pussy up

My life has changed a lot, it feels alien to look back on the blog. I've been living in my own apt for the past few years. This May I bought my first car- a 2002 Mercedes Benz C230 Kompressor. It's in great condition, and the feelings of freedom I experience from having a care are unparalleled. I've been visiting with my family… not as much as I should. I love my mom so much! I admire and respect her. I still feel full of ideas… just like when I was young.

favorite things

peak hour house music
lotus
Mercedes
singularity
modern architecture and modular systems
looking youthful in old age
helmut lang, energie, guess, and diesel
staying out all night
after hours clubs
people putting on a show
perfectly manicured finger nails
finding money
dark & even tans with bleached hair
observing patterns in human behavior
not wasting even a single bite of food
red, white, blue, black, and gold

Dorita Free2Lay

I have been working on creative projects lately. I've always been fairly science minded, so it's nice to take a taste of something a little different. The best feeling in the world for me is making people laugh. I'm in on the joke, y'all...

Living in a Post-Racism world...

Obviously, various elements of all ethnic cultures (past and present) have been re-appropriated throughout the entire world... this is an example of monoculture, which will inevitably be the end result of globalism in the digital age. As time and technology progress, there will be less and less compartmentalization among people... Race does not even exist biologically... yet racism remains a contemporary issue throughout the entire world and class structure as culture progresses and evolves. From pre-emanicpation under the Lincoln administration to current escalating world tensions across all ethnic groups as class warfare and decentralization escalate as contemporary social ills, racism is a serious problem in America as well as throughout the world. I don't choose to find racism in the world... I see things as the parody or satire that they are meant to be. Nothing offends me. I myself am Iroquois, and I think that in order to highlight Native struggle in modern america we need to examine the ongoing marginalization that exists even today...

politics

My political statement is too progressive for this lifetime, but it's fun to imagine... Elimination of inherited wealth. Dramatic cuts in military spending saving millions of dollars. Establishment of the Federal New Initiatives Commission which would be responsible for exploring nano/biotech as a means to solve issues surrounding hunger, waste, energy, desalination, military threats, etc. Abolishment of congress and subsequent establishment of a unicameral system for the Legislative branch saving billions of dollars. Mandatory abortions for any female under the age of 25.

just sayin'

I consider myself hot enough to attract other hot guys. I'm happy and fun to be around. I have enough money to take someone out a few times a week. I work out consistently and cook on a daily basis.
... I've never cheated on a boyfriend and I'm HIV negative...
I think I might be a unicorn

les nouvelles

Now that I've moved into my own studio I'm cocooning... it's been many years since I felt secure in my living situation. It sounds delusional to say it, but my apartment feels like a forever home even though I've only slept here 19 days. I'm very happy in my life and feel better about myself than I thought I could. Even though there's nothing entertaining to do I never want to leave...

My Saturn return has been overall the most challenging... Mercury is retrograde right now, that probably is why I'm going back to my blog after a long hiatus. It's not like anybody reads this. If they do I'm flattered, but it's also inappropriate. This is just between me and the internet.

2012

I can't believe how quickly 2011 went by! My Saturn return is in full effect and everything in my life has changed completely- job, house, relationships, etc. Life has been challenging but the truth is I'm happier than ever before. I thought my time was up but I have been getting my swag back.

I have a lot of things I need to focus on. It blows my mind how much my life has changed for the better... there's so much going on in my life that it's really hard for me to focus on anything... but basically I only have 5 things to really worry about.

drag debut this spring
work out
tattoos
more designer clothes
save more money

the way I feel about guys

I have a problem... I can't love anybody and I can't receive any love.

I try to always see the good in people, and I don't look down on others. Obviously, I have nothing to offer a man at this point in my life so I'm not one to talk. With that being said, nobody makes me feel anything. I catch myself in siutations where I'm with someone and I will think to myself, wow this guy is really great... he's hot, nice and probably doing ok money wise... I should be head over heels but I just feel like that bitch ain't shit. I'm probably wrapped up because when it comes to guys I have a whole list of requirements... it doesn't feel organic in any way.

I used to get so horny and I still do, but sex doesn't really feel good to me any more. It's become something that I do because I feel like it's what I should be doing. I don't feel the passion anymore which is what I look for most in sex.

Peter Berlin was right about everything. Infatuation. The feelings I get from being attracted to men and them being attracted back to me is exhilarating and still fun. I fuck em without fuckin em.

dreams

I want to live in a loft and drive a lotus or a mercedes SLK.

I dream about starting a biotech firm that focuses mainly on genomic cures for HIV.

I need enough money to go out every night and for better clothes. I dream about feeling hot enough and good enough, because for me that is how my brain defines omnipotence.

I want do the whole pride circuit every season. I want to go to LA, West Hollywood, Miami, and NYC... not just SF.

turning up the volume on one's life

Just like everyone I often am not happy. As I've gotten older I've learned the life lesson that if I want to be happy and in a good state of mind at all times I have to be doing things that bring joy in my life and actively seek out such experiences on a daily basis.

I spent many years of my life not doing this and as a result spent long amounts of time not being happy. Unfortunately there is a lot in life that we can not control, but there are choices that we can make, cause and effect, which is why I believe in free will over fate. As I've gotten older I've had to relearn about myself to discover what really puts me in a good mental state.

I am always trying to turn up the volume on my life. For me that does not mean having raw sex with a bunch of guys or smoking meth, trying to push the limits of what my body can do and going into all out sex hysteria. For me turning up the volume on my life means always doing things that make me happy and bring joy into my life.

I often see people struggling, not getting what they want or not going anywhere in life. I often feel that way myself, but the truth is I can't keep waiting to start my life and there is always an option for happiness in the mean time. My life went on a sharp downward spiral when I turned 22 and I haven't really felt or been the same since then. I feel like I've been hibernating since then, trying to preserve the vestiges of what I had and was for a better time... but that time doesn't ever come, which means the time to turn up the volume is yesterday...

Which is why I often to suggest to people that they turn up the volume on their lives as well.

favorite themes

loss of innocence
loss of sexual innocence
suffering
technology
people who have everything yet remain unfulfilled
voyeurism and exhibitionism
self-preservation
utopia
dystopian utopia
post apocalypse
addiction
fame
super intelligence
child prodigies
murder
torture
social upheaval/revolutions
shame
the obsolescence of intellectual property
undermining authority and power structures
magic
unity/ a shared sense of identity and experience
alternate universes

body modification

I have always loved the idea that I can make myself into whatever I want, so the appearance can be a simulacra of the way I feel. In our culture, you can look however you want so long as you have the money to pay for procedures.

I was still in high school when I got my first piercing, and since then I got 5 in each ear, septum, snakebites, filtrum, smiley, nipples, and a single point in my clavicle. I only have ny nose and ears at this point, but that makes 18 total.

I think I was 19 when I got my first tattoo, and plan on getting a lot more as soon as I get the money for it. I'm planning out a back piece, chest and crotch piece, half sleeves, and ideally if money is never going to be an issue I'd like to do the neck and face as well.

I was only 20 years old when I got plastic surgery for the first time. I got my chest, stomach, and lower back lipoed with 8 entry points. It didn't hurt that much but over time your body builds up fat in those areas that have not been lipoed, so I need to get it touched up at some point.

As far as other work I'm planning I need laser resurfacing on my face, restalin for my lips, a brow lift and buccal fat removal, and perhaps rhinoplasty.