2012

I can't believe how quickly 2011 went by! My Saturn return is in full effect and everything in my life has changed completely- job, house, relationships, etc. Life has been challenging but the truth is I'm happier than ever before. I thought my time was up but I have been getting my swag back.

I have a lot of things I need to focus on. It blows my mind how much my life has changed for the better... there's so much going on in my life that it's really hard for me to focus on anything... but basically I only have 5 things to really worry about.

drag debut this spring
work out
tattoos
more designer clothes
save more money

Sun in Scorpio

For a while I have been having really intense dreams and I often remember the next day! For an extended period of time they were almost exclusively nightmares, but I have had a few good dreams as well. In most of my nightmares I'm running from something- usually some sort of superhuman, omnipotent, deadly and nefarious force. My lungs are always burning and I'm always doing whatever it takes to escape- jumping over fences and walls to flee. I did have one very lucky dream where I was infinitely wealthy living in a mansion on Miami beach, I would lay out naked and tan all the time because my dick was as big as the hydrant- not the one provided for fire fighters thru public works but the sex toy. I would just keep meeting guys on the beach then take them back to my house and fuck them.

Often when the sun is in Scorpio I have an intense time going thru life. I face much opposition, but then also feel as though my power is building itself up. I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to work more; moreover it was in a job that pays $25 an hour, so by the end of the night I will be in a much more secure place than I've been in for essentially the past 3 years.

Last night we went to the club, and we basically saw a belligerently drunk person die on the street- whole pints of blood were pouring out of the head and running down the sidewalk on a slight incline- life and death are so closely linked sometimes they seem analogous... at the end of the night the ambulance came through and washed all the blood off with the special bio hazard white powder.

I also found an iPhone that night and someone else's coat check. I was scrupulous and returned the coat check tag to the coat check- I held onto the phone cause I found it at an ATM and in the hopes of reaching it, I tried to pick it up when calls came through to it in the hopes of telling whoever picks up to alert that person that I have his or her phone, but when I tried to answer it nothing came thru. I also found a Last night, when we got back to my friend's house above Lime on Market street, we were locked out! Luckily for us, Greg the owner of Lime and Trigger was out so he really saved us that night! I had naively tried to climb up on some garbage bins before. Highs and lows...

I LOVE astro.com

So anyone who knows me well knows that in the past few months I've gotten a HUGE and unexpected burst of confidence. It felt like it came out of nowhere, but after reading my short report on asto.com, I gained some more insight as to what's really going on. I wonder if the fact that Jupiter and Mars are my moon and sun?

----
plz don't sue me for copy/paste!

Jupiter square Mars: Insight and skill

End of May 2009 until beginning of January 2010: This influence gives you a great deal of confidence and makes you feel very self-assertive. Usually this is all right, but some people will express this energy by becoming arrogant and domineering. Also be wary of overconfidence, resulting in attempts to do things that are simply beyond you.

Pluto sextile Pluto: Overall gentleness

Mid January 2008 until mid November 2009:You will probably find that your views about daily life are stabilizing and maturing. Now that the period of rapid change is past, you are arriving at a way of dealing with the world that will not change much more except, hopefully, when future experience invalidates your present views. In other words, this influence doesn't represent settling into rigidity, but stability.

Mercury in Retrograde

Mercury went into retorgrade on 5/7, becomes direct on 5/31, then returns on 6/14.

I always notice when Mercury goes into retrograde. As I've gotten older, and lived long enough to notice these patterns more and more in life, I realize now that I feel it before it comes on, am greatly affected by it while in retrograde, and then feel it come out and eventually pass.

Last year, Mercury was in retrograde in all three air signs, but now it's half and half... I guess I can expect it to be completely in my star sign in 3 years.

How does Mercury in retrograde affect your life?

astro.com

On March 21st, exactly at the beginning of spring, astrologers celebrate the International Astrology Day. This day was created in 1993 to remind people that Astrology is the oldest symbolic system of western culture still alive.
---

Dinaz was telling me that the 21st is the solstice, and it means you have to take into account everything in your life that's out of balance, and then you have until the next solstice to fix it.

angels

Obviously, I'm far too highly educated to be religious, but I do belive in angels.

I guess I should say that I think some people are really angels.

The Seraphim is Aries spiritual correspondance... wasn't some just telling me those are the angels with blue rings.

When an Aries born on April 18 sets themselves a task, they will go to any lengths to accomplish it. Opinionated and aggressive, they often find themselves at the center of controversy. They favor involvement on all levels and are not the type to sit idly as long as there are victories to be won.

Aries Information
for April 18
You should embrace: Fun, personal accountability, positive ambiance
You should avoid: Anger, hiding from the truth, impugning the motives of others

Friends and Lovers

The enthusiasm and energy with which April 18 people conduct their lives are infectious and draw others to them as admirers and friends. Their love life is often operatic in its intensity and drama. These folks are often good-looking, charming individuals who have no difficulty attracting lovers.

Children and Family

April 18 people are able to inspire incredible respect and affection from family members. Despite their self-sufficiency, these individuals frequently defer to the attitudes and opinions of authority figures. As parents, they take their roles seriously and strive to provide good examples to their offspring.

Health

With their high energy and eagerness to extract the maximum enjoyment from life, April 18 people are vital and vibrant. Those who follow in their energetic wake find it hard to match their level of endurance. Since their metabolism is naturally high, they require only a modest amount of exercise a few times a week.

Career and Finances

Despite their ability to turn ordinary circumstances into opportunity, these people are most interested in concepts, not the bottom line. Because of their ability to inspire others, they make impressive politicians and entrepreneurs. With their impulsive nature, however, they may make questionable financial choices and should seek professional advice.

Dreams and Goals

The goal of April 18 natives is to open the eyes of those around them and create change in their own time. In the rare event of a setback, they shrug off disappointment and begin again. An unswerving belief in their ability keeps them on track.

obsession with death

Last night when I was listening to the music my little brother produced at 16, I realized that both of us seem to have a strange fascination with death. When I took a career aptitude test in high school, it told me to be a mortician. My astrology says that I'll be attracted to situations and professions involving an aspect of dying or death. But isn't life extension just that, treating death as a disease?

Mars, the ruler of your life events, is found located in the eighth house. Mars in the eighth house gives, among other things, a valiant and positive attitude towards death. The native is concerned about the termination of life but is not afraid of it.

Pluto in Scorpio: happened from 1984 to 1995. This generation will be obsessed with all things sexual (who isn’t, but they will be even more so). Even more, however, they will be the generation to bring about a biological revolution, including human cloning.

I'm being pulled in different directions

I was born on April 18, and nobody would try to dent that I'm a typical aries. But my immum coeli is cancer, which means my life wants to transition into this other sign which is completely different from my natural state. Cardinal fire vs. cardinal water. In short, they could not be more different, because they are total opposites.

I fell the pull inside myself, because half the time all I want is domestic bliss- a stable home with the man I love so I could raise kids, and I genuinely feel like that's the only thing that matters. This has to be my personality trying to transition into cancer (high EQ) vs. my natural state of aries (high IQ). But then, the other half of the time, all I want is fame, power, influence, and respect, and I feel the fiery drive to be in charge of everything.

Because it seems like one can never have it all, I have to make a choice. What do I really want? This is the hardest choice I'll ever have to make. I hope my fire can burn bright enough to get everything I want.

Mercury is in retrograde!

It goes a lot deeper than I thought!

http://www.astrologycom.com/mercret.html

c/p

Did I mention that there's a new moon in Aries tomorrow? There's a full moon in Scorpio on 420...

I was born under the sign of Aries. I accept all its powers,
potentials, and gifts.

I am the Pioneer of the Zodiac. I accept my energy and ability to
launch new actions for the betterment and benefit of myself or for
others in whatever capacity I choose as appropriate.

The key for tapping into my deepest resources is the ever-increasing
acceptance of myself, of who I am now and what I wish to become.

I can see, hear and feel myself in action, day by day, month by month,
constantly moving toward the perfection of my talents, deeply
integrating all my aspects by trusting myself, refining what I already
have accomplished by continued use of my unique gifts.

I accept fully my ability to take the initiative to reach out to life
and to embrace it with hope and courage.

I accept fully my ability to overcome inertia and spark the flame of
enthusiasm in others.

I accept fully my decisiveness, knowing that my decisions can be an
intuitive grasp of the total situation.

I accept deeply my electric energy, physically, emotionally, and mentally;
I direct my energies into those channels that are most fulfilling for
myself and others.

I have the stamina and strength to overcome obstacles and manifest
dreams. I sow seeds in fertile ground which others many successfully
cultivate.

I am eager and ambitious to accomplish worthwhile goals for myself and others.
I am like a sprout shooting out grounded in spring. I am ever ready to
rise up to new and more adventurous challenges. I accept and launch
effectively new and better ways of doing things.

I am the trailblazer, and I look before I leap. I take advantage of
worthwhile opportunities and my observation is razor sharp; I am
perceptive. I express myself frankly, yet with kindness.

I have the ability to initiate projects and carry them through to
completion or until they can be handed over to others. I can
accomplish much by tuning into and expressively effectively my surges
of energy.

When fresh, new beginnings are called for, I am called, chosen. And my
intuition can give me the right direction. I forge ahead, I am
creative and vital, courageous and generous. I can bring into
manifestation what I already am in essence;
the new life of hope.

I love myself and trust myself, I love my life with spirit and
enthusiasm, right action, and joy.

I can change my destiny.

Now I choose to shape my future in a balanced dance between comfort
and challenge.

le pouvior

Usually, I think the world is closing in on me, and I'm the only
person who knows whats real. I also know that I'm psychic, only how
powerful I can't tell. I really liked what Pepa said about being
psychic on The Surreal Life, she summed it up pretty well. It is
creepy to acknowledge that aspect of one's self, often this power is a
burden more than a blessing. I'm starting to see more and more signs,
and it scares me. As much as I love to pretend I'm invincible, my fate
scares me.

8- "you entered this plane armed to lead, direct, organize and
govern...if you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous
potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also
possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to
completion..." p.s. Goodness = 8 letters

In addition to that, in Western Astrology I was born on the Cusp Of
Power, which "can" make me into a "dreamer" and a "doer" but "not in a
hurry" to see results. On top of that, I'm an Aries, and my Tarot Card
is The Emperor.

In Chinese Astrology I'm a Rat, who leave no mystery to their obvious
plans for power, wealth, influence, and prestige.

I find it strange that there's no feeling I hate more than
powerlessness and failure. It makes me want to cut myself. Maybe all
this crazy shit is real? It's getting harder and harder to know.

correlation

The Rat (Chinese:鼠) was welcomed in ancient times as a protector and
bringer of material prosperity. It is the first of the 12-year cycle
of animals which appear in the Chinese zodiac related to the Chinese
calendar. Rat is associated with aggression, wealth, charm, and order,
yet also associated with death, war, the occult, pestilence, and
atrocities. The Year of the Rat is associated with the earthly branch
symbol 子.

In Chinese, the word 鼠 may refer to either the rat or the mouse.
Therefore, in this context, Year of the Mouse and Year of the Rat are
interchangeable terms.

Years and the Five Elements

The Rat portrayed in the Zodiac Fountain in Almaty
The Rat statue portrayed in the Kowloon Walled City Park in Hong
KongPersons born within these date ranges can be said to have been
born in the "year of the Rat," while also bearing the following
elemental sign:

Being the first sign of the Chinese zodiacs, rats are most leaders,
pioneers and conquerors. They are charming, passionate, charismatic,
practical and hardworking. Rat people are endowed with great
leadership skills and are the most highly organized, meticulous, and
systematic of the twelve signs. Intelligent and cunning at the same
time, rats are highly ambitious and strong-willed people who are keen
and unapologetic promoters of their own agendas, which often include
money and power. They are energetic and versatile and can usually find
their way around obstacles, and adapt to various environments easily.
A rat's natural charm and sharp demeanor make it an appealing friend
for almost anyone, but rats are usually highly exclusive and selective
when choosing friends and so often have only a few very close friends
whom they trust.

Behind the smiles and charm, rats can be terribly obstinate and
controlling, insisting on having things their way no matter what the
cost. These people tend to have immense control of their emotions,
which they may use as a tool to manipulate and exploit others, both
emotionally and mentally. Rats are masters of mind games and can be
very dangerous, calculative and downright cruel if the need arises.
Quick-tempered and aggressive, they will not think twice about
exacting revenge on those that hurt them in any way. Rats need to
learn to relax sometimes, as they can be quite obsessed with detail,
intolerant and strict, demanding order, obedience, and perfection.

Rats consider others before themselves, at least sometimes, and avoid
forcing their ideas onto others. Rats are fair in their dealings and
expect the same from others in return, and can be deeply affronted if
they feel they have been deceived or that their trust has been abused.
Sometimes they set their targets too high, whether in relation to
their friends or in their career. But as the years pass, they will
become more idealistic and tolerant. If they can develop their sense
of self and realize it leaves room for others in their life as well,
Rats can find true happiness.

According to tradition, Rats often carry heavy karma and at some point
in life may face an identity crisis or some kind of feeling of guilt.
Rats are said to often have to work very long and hard for everything
they may earn or have in life. However, a Rat born during the day is
said to have things a bit easier than those who are born at night.
Traditionally, Rats born during the night may face extreme hardships
and suffering throughout life. Rats in general should guard themselves
against hedonism, as it may lead to self-destruction. Gambling,
alcohol and drugs tend to be great temptations to Rat natives.

Professions include espionage, psychiatry, psychology, writing,
politics, law, engineering, accounting, detective work, acting, and
pathology.

---


2 February 1984 - 19 February 1985: Wood Rat

In traditional Chinese philosophy, Wood is classified as one of the Wu
xing (Chinese: 五行; pinyin: wǔxíng), or the Five Elements, also
translated as five phases, five movements or five steps, by which all
natural phenomena can be explained. The system of five elements was
used for describing interactions and relationships between phenomena.
It was employed in many fields of early Chinese thought, including
seemingly disparate fields such as geomancy and Feng shui, astrology,
traditional Chinese medicine, Chinese alchemy, music, military
strategy and martial arts. The original foundation for the idea is
based on the concept of the Five Cardinal Points.

Wood is yang or masculine in character, it is associated with
springtime, the east, the planet Jupiter, the colors brown or green,
and with windy conditions. Its Primal Spirit is represented by a Green
Dragon.

Attributes
In Chinese thought, Wood attributes are considered to be strength and
flexibility, as with bamboo. It is also associated with qualities of
warmth, generosity, co-operation and idealism. The Wood person will be
expansive, outgoing and socially conscious. The wood element is one
that seeks always to grow and expand. Wood heralds the beginning of
life, springtime and buds, sensuality and fecundity. Wood needs
moisture to thrive.

In Chinese medicine, wood is associated with negative feelings of
anger or depression, and positive feelings of patience and altruism.
Organs associated with this element are the liver (yin) and the gall
bladder (yang), the eyes and the tendons.

In Chinese astrology wood is included in the 10 heavenly stems (the
five elements in their yin and yang forms), which combine with the 12
earthly branches (or Chinese signs of the zodiac), to form the 60 year
cycle. Yang wood years end in 4 (eg 1974), while Yin years end in 5
(eg 1975). Wood governs the Chinese zodiac signs Tiger, Rabbit and
Dragon.

Although it traditionally is not included in the Western scheme of
elements, some western astrologers have suggested that wood should be
recognised as a 'combined element' or 'material' derived from Fire and
Water; just as Jupiter rules the Fire sign of Sagittarius and the
Water sign of Pisces.


Cycle of the elements
In the regenerative cycle of the elements, Water engenders Wood, as
rain or dew makes plant life flourish; and Wood begets Fire as fire is
generated by rubbing together two pieces of wood. In the conquest
cycle, Wood overcomes Earth by binding it together with the roots of
trees; and Metal overcomes Wood, as the metal ax can fell even the
largest tree.

---
In traditional Chinese philosophy, Water is classified as one of the
Wu xing (Chinese: 五行; pinyin: wǔxíng), or the Five Elements, also
translated as five phases, five movements or five steps, by which all
natural phenomena can be explained. The system of five elements was
used for describing interactions and relationships between phenomena.
It was employed in many fields of early Chinese thought, including
seemingly disparate fields such as geomancy and Feng shui, astrology,
traditional Chinese medicine, Chinese alchemy, music, military
strategy and martial arts. The original foundation for the idea is
based on the concept of the Five Cardinal Points.

Water is yin or feminine in character, its energy is downward and its
motion is stillness and conserving. It is associated with the planet
Mercury, the north, winter and cold, darkness, night and the colour
black. It is also associated with the moon, which was believed to
cause the dew to fall at night. It is also believed to govern the
kidneys, ears and bones. The negative emotion associated with water is
fear, while the positive emotion is calmness. Its Primal Spirit is
represented by the Black Tortoise.

In Chinese Taoist thought, water is representative of intelligence and
wisdom, flexibility, softness and pliancy; however, an over-abundance
of the element is said to cause difficulty in choosing something and
sticking to it. In the same way, Water can be fluid and weak, but can
also wield great power when it floods and overwhelms the land. In the
birth and nurturing cycle, water spawns wood, and is spawned by metal.
In the conquest cycle, water overcomes fire, and in turn is overcome
by earth.

Water also plays an important role in Chinese Astrology. In Chinese
astrology water is included in the 10 heavenly stems (the five
elements in their yin and yang forms), which combine with the 12
earthly branches (or Chinese signs of the zodiac), to form the 60 year
cycle. Yang water years end in 2 (eg 1992), while Yin years end in 3
(eg 1993). Water governs the Chinese zodiac signs Pig, Rat and Ox.

tomorrow

New Moon in Aquarius
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
7:44pm PST 17° 44’
Annular Solar Eclipse
7:55pmPST 17° 50’
---
and coming up:
Full Moon in Virgo
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
7:31pm PST 1º 53’
Total Lunar Eclipse
7:26pm PST 1º 50’

I love this website

http://www.astrowisdom.com/thisnewmoon.htm

New Moon in Capricorn
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
3:37am PST
17º cap 33’

©2007 Lisa Dale Miller
All rights reserved


May 2008 be a year of peacemaking for every nation,
every family, every mind, and every heart.


I also read this one a lot- http://www.astrowisdom.com/thisfullmoon.htm

Full Moon in Leo
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
5:35am PST
1° le 54’

full moon

Full Moon in Cancer
Sunday, December 23, 2007
5:16pm PST
1° canc 50’

http://www.astrowisdom.com/thisfullmoon.htm

we create most of our problems...

Yesterday I signed my payroll, and said that I would come into work at 9 a.m. for the rest of the week. I thought about this last night, as I was hanging out with my friend and getting high. "I better just make myself wake up early tomorrow. I never go into work early, and I'm late everyday. I should try to be on time tomorrow. Ok, I will. I'll just get up and go," I thought to myself.

I woke up today at 7 a.m. like always. No matter what day it is, or how long I sleep, I hover between the unconscious and conscious world for anywhere from 1-5 hours. That's why I sleep so much. Most of the time I'm not sleeping just resting. It's hard to escape the fact that it's never going to be ok. :)

I drifted in and out of sleep until I made myself get up at 8:15, even though I remember being awake for about 20 minutes before I actually made myself get up. I put some water in my hair, threw clothes on, and I was ready. I'm young, so I can look cute without putting in too much effort (I didn't even brush my teeth). I never shower in the mornings, because I don't have time.

I checked my hello kitty wallet to see how much money I had. I had $1.35. "They never notice as long as you put money in. It won't matter." Still, I worried that Imight receive the one in a million asshole bus driver who actually checks to make sure you put $1.50 in the box.

I packed my backpack with my lunch, toothbrush, & toothpaste. I woke up Dinaz, who was sleeping on the couch. I was excited that she didn't drool that much on the pillow. I'm just giving her a hard time. Anyways, I packed a bowl for us, and 1 turned into 2. We were smoking out of the new pipe I got in Humboldt, and it really fucks you up. It's yellow and has a lion on it (it's not cheesy). I left the house somewhere after 8:40, and got to the bus stop at 8:47.

"Fuck," I thought to myself. "All I had to do was get to work at 9 a.m. one day. I never go in that early. I never do anything early, or put any effort into anything. I bullshit everything, and I don't understand why I get away with it. Is it because I'm cute or charming? Now I'm at the 28 at 8:47, and I know it's going to be at least a 45 minute drive to SF State. I'm going to be so late."

Lucky for me, the 28L came right after I got to the stop, and it was free. Maybe it's my Sagittarius moon, who knows. I can't wait to pick up my scooter from the shop. The bus is the worst thing ever. ;)