we create most of our problems...

Yesterday I signed my payroll, and said that I would come into work at 9 a.m. for the rest of the week. I thought about this last night, as I was hanging out with my friend and getting high. "I better just make myself wake up early tomorrow. I never go into work early, and I'm late everyday. I should try to be on time tomorrow. Ok, I will. I'll just get up and go," I thought to myself.

I woke up today at 7 a.m. like always. No matter what day it is, or how long I sleep, I hover between the unconscious and conscious world for anywhere from 1-5 hours. That's why I sleep so much. Most of the time I'm not sleeping just resting. It's hard to escape the fact that it's never going to be ok. :)

I drifted in and out of sleep until I made myself get up at 8:15, even though I remember being awake for about 20 minutes before I actually made myself get up. I put some water in my hair, threw clothes on, and I was ready. I'm young, so I can look cute without putting in too much effort (I didn't even brush my teeth). I never shower in the mornings, because I don't have time.

I checked my hello kitty wallet to see how much money I had. I had $1.35. "They never notice as long as you put money in. It won't matter." Still, I worried that Imight receive the one in a million asshole bus driver who actually checks to make sure you put $1.50 in the box.

I packed my backpack with my lunch, toothbrush, & toothpaste. I woke up Dinaz, who was sleeping on the couch. I was excited that she didn't drool that much on the pillow. I'm just giving her a hard time. Anyways, I packed a bowl for us, and 1 turned into 2. We were smoking out of the new pipe I got in Humboldt, and it really fucks you up. It's yellow and has a lion on it (it's not cheesy). I left the house somewhere after 8:40, and got to the bus stop at 8:47.

"Fuck," I thought to myself. "All I had to do was get to work at 9 a.m. one day. I never go in that early. I never do anything early, or put any effort into anything. I bullshit everything, and I don't understand why I get away with it. Is it because I'm cute or charming? Now I'm at the 28 at 8:47, and I know it's going to be at least a 45 minute drive to SF State. I'm going to be so late."

Lucky for me, the 28L came right after I got to the stop, and it was free. Maybe it's my Sagittarius moon, who knows. I can't wait to pick up my scooter from the shop. The bus is the worst thing ever. ;)