things I require in a man

I'm not delusional enough to fall in love, but I have 6 pieces of criteria when choosing a love interest- how big is the dick, lips, and ass, what kind of drugs does he do, how much money does he have, and what kind of car does he drive.

JK!

Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm extremely stubborn and essentially tell people what they want to hear, then do whatever I want. I rarely take advice, but I did get some advice today that I'm really taking to heart.

Anyways, the bit of advice I got was if I want to settle down I should stop looking. It makes a lot of sense actually! So I accept reality. I'm not going to try to force anything. I may never fall in love again. If that happens, I will survive.

With that being said, brainstorming exactly what I want could really help me to focus on what I can get out of a relationship. I'm not crazy. I know forever does not exist, and I accept the fact that healthy relationships mean not being jealous and allowing the other person freedom. Relationships can only work out if both people are really allowed to just be themselves.

In the past I've realized that I've been everything except myself. I'm a people pleaser, and Oprah says people with that personality type are really full of rage. I get so wrapped up in what I think I'm supposed to be, or what I think the other person wants, needs, and expects from me that I end up completely losing myself in someone else. For many reasons this is comforting to me, but not condusive to a healthy relationship that can last.

I really do feel like I've had enough fun. I've been scandalous enough and wild in the streets too many times. I've done a fuck ton of drugs, had sex with way too many guys (every sign of the zodiac except Scorpio and Sagittarius, but who's counting) and already had enough short lived dysfunctional romances to label myself a serial dater. I struggle with codependency and enmeshment, which I blame on my abusive childhood. Yet, as dysfunctional and miserable as my parents marriage was, I know the only reason I'm able to maintain relationships at all is because they never got divorced.

Obviously, I wouldn't date myself but every day I am trying to be better. I don't think I'm ugly, but I do accept the fact that I'm a ghetto loser and I know that's why I can't get a man. The only constant in life is change, and I am trying to forgive myself and let things go. I have a lot of potential into which I'm not tapping, and I accept responsability for that.

I'm not asking for u to fall in love, or for some great romance. Just be with me until the feeling's gone...

I'm looking for someone who wants adventure and to experience life by my side. Someone who can chill when it's time to be calm. I accept the fact that I can't change anybody and my significant other has to feel the same way. Love that lasts forever means you have to keep choosing that person every day, and codependency is not sustainable.

Physically, I'm attracted to really hot guys, and the method for measuring beauty would be the Hollywood paradigm. I prefer flawless faces and bodies, but past that I find myself attracted to big lips, huge cocks, and big asses. I need someone who can keep up with me sexually, who wants to get off with me at least 2 or 3 times a day.

doesn't try to make me jealous (there is a huge difference between being free and yourself and doing things in an underhanded way)

accepts the fact that open relationships are not relationships, it just means one is having sex with another person more than all the others

accepts fitness and nutrition as a life long commitment

surprises me and keeps me interested

has social grace and knows how to deal with people

wants to become wealthy together

tips well and speaks to everyone in a respectful manner

open minded

feels the same way as me about politics and religion

a good attitude

likes house music

cool with weed

knows how to pick fruit and vegetables

likes kids and animals but doesn't want any

d.c.

A few days ago I was lamenting the fact that I can't upload my brain, sp I guess I just have to keep spitting out thoughts on my website, it's the only way I can get my thoughts out there and have it last.

Pretty soon me and Solitaire are going to make some predictions for the future- long detailed logs will soon be up. If Nostradamus can make predictions, so can we.

Anyways, I'm having problems sleeping right now. As far as my health goes I have a few sleep disorders- I grind my teeth really bad at nigh- it's a problem!

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bruxism/DS00337
Definition
Bruxism is the medical term for grinding, gnashing or clenching your teeth. The condition affects both children and adults.

Some people with bruxism unconsciously clench their teeth together during the day, often when they feel anxious or tense. This is different from tooth grinding or clenching that occurs at night, which is called sleep bruxism. Most children who are bruxers do so at night, while adults are either daytime or nighttime bruxers.

Bruxism may be mild and may not even require treatment. However, it can be frequent and severe enough to lead to jaw disorders, headaches, damaged teeth and other problems. Unfortunately, people with sleep bruxism usually aren't aware of the habit, so they aren't diagnosed with the condition until complications occur. That's why it's important to know the signs and symptoms of bruxism and to seek regular dental care.

---

Also, I have bad dreams several times a week, and I wake up totally soaking in sweat on a more than regular basis :/
It's so nasty! I wish these problems would disappear.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/night-sweats/AN01042
Answer
Night sweats are usually defined as episodes of significant nighttime sweating that soaks your bed clothes or bedding. This is a fairly common problem that many people experience from time to time.

Although uncomfortable, nighttime sweating typically isn't a sign of a serious underlying medical condition. It may be triggered by something as simple as too warm a room or too many blankets on the bed. Potential medical causes of night sweats include:

Menopause
Anxiety
Medications such as certain high blood pressure drugs, over-the-counter fever reducers and antipsychotics
Drug or alcohol abuse
Gastrointestinal reflux disease (GERD)
Diabetes
See your doctor if night sweats occur on a regular basis and interrupt your sleep. Treatment is directed at the underlying cause, if it can be determined. Occasionally, night sweats are a symptom of a serious condition, such as cancer or infection. But in such cases, night sweats are often accompanied by other signs and symptoms, such as fever and unexplained weight loss.

In thinking of possible solutions, I'm led to meditating? It's the one thing I've never tried.



I own this bed, I bought it on bedinabox.com- I can not stress how amazing and how cheap this company is. I have nothing but good things to say.

my sleeping health

I missed David Sedaris in SF today! I wish I could have gone.

times
they are a changin. I still have my big elaborate schemes for myself. In fact, I have about 4 or 5. A taste:

cure HIV via genomic medicine (although the concept of "cure" will have to be redefined"
genetically engineer a suer hardy super virulent disease caused by a bacteria or virus (or fungus)
nitrogen balance for long term deep space flights
start a biotech firm called GoodnessGenomics specializing in tissue regeneration, with an emphasis on radical life extension
genetically engineer a lichen to produce a false atmosphere on Mars
genetically engineer microorganisms with multiple metbolic pathways, research immortal germ cell lines, stem cell technology, etc. ---> potentially introduce choloplasts into animal cells for life on other planets
basically, a bunch of schemes involving less sunlight than what life on earth has evolved to be dependent on (this sentence is not grammatically correct, I'm high right now)
I have so many more ideas. I want to help people. But really, I just want everyone's money, and I feel like people should just give it to me bc I'm the only one smart enough to make you live forever.

I'm torn between focusing on just getting into space vs, the science involved with sustaining life in an artificial atmosphere for long periods of time (forever?)

goals

5 year plan:
invent something
be the first person to do something

Space Studies Institute

Is the surface of Earth really the best place for an expanding technological civilization?


I say NO!

Linguistics

I've always been interested in linguistics. Communication is so fundamental to life, ever since I was a small child I've always been naturally curious about language, hence all languages, and everything about them. How can meaning be summed up and commonly interpreted? Moreover, all of my thoughts are composed of language? And what were my thoughts before I had a language (the first years of life)? It just seems to me that linguistics shapes the human experience more than anything else.

I need to make it a goal to learn about this at some point in my life, because I take it very seriously. I guess I forgot about it (because I hadn't really been thinking about it for years). It wasn't until I read my old zine and read the little blurb I wrote about Language Acquisition (and then remembered the subsequent 10 page research paper I wrote about it, I got a B+) that I remembered how interested I am in it. Now I'm typing about it on a computer, and uploading my thoughts to the communal digital consciousness that is the internet. I am now communicating thoughts to you? : cum-munication? ^communicate^ % meaning <> read? *change, replace! /understand\ | /demand\ $forulate | replie$ + meaning = "thought ; pro*cess" `ask # 9 @ 1, ~ respond 8

Every time I think about it, my mind springs into action developing questions overtime. I wish there was some all powerful secret I could learn that would make me automatically understand every human language (but I know there's different language families, etc). Why can we communicate? How do languages change over time? Universal language? What are you really trying to say (communicate)? *meaning?

I know some of the biological and psychological aspects to language (acquisition). I guess when it comes down to it, the only shit that really is important is that shit they put on that other shit, and shot into outer space (in case an alien reads that shit). It was just a bunch of equations? physics? I saw a picture of it in SEED Magazine (loves Seed Magazine).

I guess I like linguistics because I like to communicate. Meaning is important to me. My life is a search for knowledge, insight, and wisdom (hence relevance).

biology

When I turned 18, I was faced with a life changing decision: what should I study? I've always been able to envision infinite possibilities- initially, I felt like biology (the study of life) was the most important possible area of study. I'd always felt as though it was the most important because it applied to, well, everything. What's more important than figuring out life? I'm not saying it's hard, because it's not, however, I often wondered why I didn't choose something easy such as design, business, or acting. I have wrestled so much with becoming a hair dresser, but I know in the end I'm too good for that, I'd be doing not only myself but everybody else a disservice by not applying myself in an integral area. Growing up, I had a white trash childhood, so my views on professionalism are rather skewed. I know I won't end up like my parents, it's a good feeling. I'm in control of my fate; my free will choices decide my eventual fate. I expect a lot out of myself, and shame on me for trying to take the "easy road" because, in the end, the easy road was harder anyways and I wasn't happy with myself and my choices.

For years I had a deep existential crisis. I tried to follow a path I felt I should take, as opposed to the journey I felt deep inside and needed to be happy- I wasn't being true to myself. For a long time I tired to be a nurse, because it was what I felt like I had to do. I always said I only wanted to do it for the money so I could earn between $100,000 - $200,000 per year- I understand now that money will come if I become the best at doing what I love, studying life. I have a feeling that surgical nurses are about to be replaced by robots (who would do a better job) and I always felt like my job would be threatened by technology. Unlike other scientists, I have the pizazz to become popular, which makes me feel like I would be able to become famous in the scientific community if I apply myself.

I've studied life on earth so long, it no longer inspires me. I find almost nothing interesting about life on earth, in addition, I find other humans to be uninspiring and inferior. I've always longed for something more. I don't think "impossible" is real. I always knew deep inside that since I am good, I deserve power. I want power, and as a queer minority, I NEED power. When it comes down to it, having power over life is one of the most powerful, and it's what I'm going to achieve. Life on earth doesn't inspire me, I feel as though I've seen it all before. Perhaps the only thing that interests me is what will be left behind due to humans beings' terrible destruction to the earth's biodiversity. You know what? I don't care! The earth is not what I want, I'm probably an alien. P.s. I learned in microbiology that life colonizes from planet to planet via single celled organisms; although I no longer find inspiration in life on earth, I will always be inspired by cycles of life. I have to prove the existence of life elsewhere in the universe by measuring it!
------------

Anyways, I just learned this new information:
"Cloned animals are safe to eat according to the FDA, and the food industry doesn't have to report whether the meat is cloned or not."
I actually am all about genetically modified foods.

interests

The Golden Ratio

gold

The Golden State

Modern Science's Goldenboy

driving around SF in a '95 Toyota

trannylicious

genderfabulous

fitting in

social networking websites from an anthropological perspective

Buddhism, myths, magic, Native American beliefs, rituals, and practices

bioengineering lichen to create a false atmosphere on mars

nitrogen cycles

seals and sea lions

realness

outing celebrities

infinity, fractals, triangles, numbers

talking shit

red bell peppers & vitamin C

Roseanne's blog

all black outfits; all one color outfits

BOUNCE

post-apocalypse

chlorophyll skin implants- bioengineering our skin to produce energy (natural, green, red, or yellow option)

Aeon Flux as a reality

"You're the real Aeon Flux"

D-Na$$ty

WWDD? What Would Dinaz Do?

recycling electronics via greencitizen.com

telling everyone about amazing '96 movies

Clarissa Explains It All

West's juicing skillz to pay the bilz

Club One

Optimism

existentialism

slowing down, looking back, scaling down, saving money, conservation, modification

behaviorism

honesty

deep breaths and stretching

leave Jamie Lynn Alone

wait, jamie lynn is totally irrelevant

dish soap and toilet paper

Showgirls (still lovin it)

I want to watch I Know Who Killed Me

exploring the bottom of the ocean

volcanoes, geology

biogerontology

my red cell phone from 2005- lets see how long it can last! Now I'm totally attached :D

sublebrity: a celebrity in the queer community

not having a myspace (it's already been a long time!)

blative americans

short hair, muscles, black outfits, fast cars, fast men, fast money

The Herbivore

forever young

looking 17

drinking water

never getting old

Fantastic Voyage

200th post!

I love Hillary. I remember when BILL CLINTON was the president. Everything was amazing- the whole country was on a high in more ways than one. We weren't in a war, socialized health care was about to happen for the fucking united states. Honestly, I remember the 90s as being a great time, until CITIZENS of the united states had to go fucking it up SO BAD that now my generation is going to have to deal with a verisimilitude of problems, all caused by these fucking evil white tools whoring themselves out to corporations and white male interests groups who happen to have all the power.

Did I mention I'm an anarchist, and I choose not to vote? It's because I don't think democracy is a good thing. I support the ancient Greek's notion of "philosopher kings."

Goals

PHD by 2014

Space exploration

cure HIV

inhibit apoptosis

nitrogen cycles- deep space travel

write several books

8 is great

from http://www.astrology-numerology.com/numerology.html

4/18/1984 = my bday

I have more signs in Scorpio than any other sign, the 8th house, infinity on its side. I also live in 7+1+0=8, cute little addition.

8 (8, 17/8, 26/8, 35/8)

The Life Path 8 suggests that you entered this plane armed to lead, direct, organize and govern. You are very ambitious and goal-oriented. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you were born to be an executive.

You know how to manage yourself and your environment. Your ability to judge the character and potential of the people around you is an asset used to your advantage. A large part of your success in life comes from how hard you work. This Life Path is the most prone to producing workaholics. But your ability to spot good people and engage them in your endeavors is a special trait not to be overlooked. There is an inspirational quality in your makeup which allows you to become a great leader. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead.

With the Life Path of the number 8 you are focused on learning the satisfactions to be found in the material world. The Life Path 8 produces many powerful, confident and materially successful people. Most of your concerns involve money and learning of the power that comes with its proper manipulation.

This Life Path is perhaps the one that is the most concerned with and desirous of status as an ultimate measure of success. You want to be recognized for your hard work and achievements. The attainment of honors and acceptance into the club of executive leadership is all important. For this, you may find yourself very well suited to compete in the business world or in the political arena.

In relationships, you are frank, honest, and steadfast. You may be very much in love, but watch that you are not too busy and preoccupied to show it. Being the lavish provider is not always an adequate substitute for showing your devotion and affection in more personal ways. You have a great need for close personal relationships to mitigate and somehow soften your nature. You must find the time for love and keep it as an important project in your life.

The negative 8 can be dictatorial and often suppresses the enthusiasm and efforts of fellow member of the environment. Often, the strength of their own personality excludes close feelings for other people with whom they come in contact. Material gains and rewards often become issues of utmost importance, even to the neglect of family, home and peace of mind. Dedication to success can become an obsession. Emotional feelings are often suppressed by the negative 8, resulting in isolation and loneliness. All Life Path 8 people must avoid discounting the opinions of others.

goals

enough fucking around, I need to make things happen in my life. Nobody else will.

masters- by 2012

fame in the scientific community

biotech industry?

space travel

umm, live forever. INHIBIT APOPTOSIS. It's been long enough already./

I'm thinking that if I want to go into outer space, I need a background in science and exploring- explore the bottom of the ocean -> nitrogen cycles (a way for space travel w/out radiant energy)?

Ummmm, and cause a ripple in the gay porn industry. Porn star named Darrin Goodness

space

From: Planet Pride
Date: Dec 21, 2007 5:25 PM


Two more active moons around Saturn - Tethys and Dione

Images

Saturn's moons Tethys and Dione are flinging great streams of particles into space, according to data from the NASA/ESA/ASI Cassini mission to Saturn. The discovery suggests the possibility of some sort of geological activity, perhaps even volcanic, on these icy worlds.

The particles were traced to the two moons because of the dramatic movement of electrically charged gas in the magnetic environs of Saturn. Known as plasma, the gas is composed of negatively charged electrons and positively charged ions, which are atoms with one or more electrons missing. Because they are charged, the electrons and ions can get trapped inside a magnetic field.

Saturn rotates around itself in just 10 hours and 46 minutes. This sweeps the magnetic field and the trapped plasma through space. Just like a child on a fast-spinning merry-go-round, the trapped gas feels a force trying to throw it outwards, away from the centre of rotation.

Soon after Cassini reached Saturn, in June 2004, it revealed that the planet's hurried rotation squashes the plasma into a disc and that great fingers of gas are indeed being thrown out into space from the disc's outer edges. Hotter, more tenuous plasma then rushes in to fill the gaps.

Now, Jim Burch of the Southwest Research Institute, USA, and colleagues have made a careful study of these events using the Cassini Plasma Spectrometer (CAPS). They have shown that the direction of the ejected electrons points back towards Tethys and Dione. "It establishes Tethys and Dione as important sources of plasma in Saturn's magnetosphere," says Burch.

Until this result, among Saturn's inner moons only Enceladus was known to be an active world, with huge geysers spraying gases hundreds of kilometres above the moon's surface. "This new result seems to be a strong indication that there is activity on Tethys and Dione as well," says Andrew Coates from the Mullard Space Science Laboratory, University College London, and a collaborator on this latest work.

Activity is a draw for planetary scientists as it means that the planet has yet to reach equilibrium, or is perhaps being supplied with energy. The activity on Enceladus was detected first by Cassini's Dual Technique Magnetometer (MAG). This led the flight team to schedule a particularly close pass of Enceladus, which revealed a wealth of data about Enceladus' alien geysers - and spectacular pictures, too.

"The best results arise when we combine a variety of data sets to understand the observations," says Michele Dougherty, Imperial College, London, and Principal Investigator of MAG.

In the case of Dione and Tethys, more fly-bys are scheduled in the future, which will allow the team and the other instruments a close-up look at the moons. Before that happens, the team has to go back and search for further signs of activity in the data already collected during the Tethys and Dione flybys of 2005. In addition Burch says that, having detected the electrons, they will now be on the lookout for the ions, so that the composition of the Tethys and Dione plasmas can be determined.

Notes for editors

The findings will appear in the 14 June 2007 issue of the scientific journal Nature. The article, 'Tethys and Dione as sources of outward-flowing plasma in Saturn's magnetosphere', is by J. Burch, J. Goldstein, W. Lewis, D. Young, A. Coates, M Dougherty and N. Andre.

The Cassini-Huygens mission is a cooperative project of NASA, ESA and the Italian Space Agency (ASI). The CAPS team, consisting of scientists from Europe and the US, is based at the Southwest Research Institute in San Antonio. The MAG team is based at Imperial College in London, and also consists of team members from the United States and several European countries.

source: Saturn Today

Key Players

Full Size 1020x618:

JPEG 177 KB

Saturn and Dione regard Enceladus--the object their gravitational tug-of-war.

Dione (1,126 kilometers, 700 miles across) is seen next to Saturn here; Enceladus (505 kilometers, 314 miles across) appears at left.

The interplay of gravitational forces on Enceladus from both Saturn and Dione might provide a key source of energy for the geological activity in the small moon's south polar region. What powers the activity on Enceladus is an ongoing subject of interest to Cassini scientists.

This view looks toward the unilluminated side of the rings from about 3 degrees above the ringplane.

The image was taken with the Cassini spacecraft wide-angle camera on Nov. 8, 2007 using a spectral filter sensitive to wavelengths of infrared light centered at 727 nanometers. The view was obtained at a distance of approximately 2.9 million kilometers (1.8 million miles) from Saturn. Image scale is 169 kilometers (105 miles) per pixel.

The Cassini-Huygens mission is a cooperative project of NASA, the European Space Agency and the Italian Space Agency. The Jet Propulsion Laboratory, a division of the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena, manages the Cassini-Huygens mission for NASA's Science Mission Directorate, Washington, D.C. The imaging team consists of scientists from the US, England, France, and Germany. The imaging operations center and team lead (Dr. C. Porco) are based at the Space Science Institute in Boulder, Colo.

For more information about the Cassini-Huygens mission, visit http://saturn.jpl.nasa.gov and the Cassini imaging team home page, http://ciclops.org.

Credit: NASA/JPL/Space Science Institute

Released: December 18, 2007

source: CICLOPS

skool

I tried to be a surgical nurse. It didn't work out, and I'm really glad it didn't because I knew it didn't stimulate my creativity, and I was merely pursing that idea to make money only.

I plan on getting a degree in cell and molecular biology and also getting a biotech certificate. I'm going do all sorts of crazy shit in a lab that would probably PISS you the fuck off, don't even try to tell me no, because I don't have time to waste on uneducated fucks who aren't on my level. They'll never be on my level, that's the truth.

I'm probably going to achieve levels of fame in the scientific community. I'm a MAD SCIENTIST.

plans

Usually I feel like I'm fighting against time. I constantly feel like I'm trying to escape the inevitability of mortality. However, as I go through my 20's, I realize that if I don't die early in life from disease, accident, etc. then I'll have a considerable amount of time to pursue things that interest me.

Spiritually- I really want to learn as much about Buddhism as I can. Obviously, I have not been making a huge effort. I want to study in central asia for a time. I really want to learn more about meditation. I'd like to become an experienced lucid dreamer.

Professionally- Although I have the intention of becoming a nurse, it's not my real dream. I really want to get a masters and maybe a doctorate. I want to get into Marine Biology research. I love ecology and it's going to change so much over te next 30 years. Also, later in life I'd like to teach. I think I would be a fun old eccentric professor.

Personally- I want to keep trying to take as good of care of myself as I can. I don't see why I can't be older and still enjoy my life.